Happy Birthday to me =)

Guess,
it's juz another year has passed,
and another step closer to death?

LOL..
anyway,
it's another usual b'day,
not much celebration,
not those i've wanted..
*erm, dun feel bad k?
juz my real thoughts*

I've been able to give surprises to my frens,
during their birthday,
coz that's what i've always wanted for myself,
sometimes,
things we wanted,
that's the push we could plan for someone else dear to us,
there's the passion,
there's the thought,
and there's the love..

Saying im fine without presents,
probably is fake,
who does not wish to have presents?
haha,
wat to do?
blame myself for the bad timings,
and wat i would love to have,
wat present i would like,
it's kinda obvious =)
but then again,
everyone's too busy to notice,
and this year,
guess it's the most pathetic of all,
1 present =s
guess,
the hardwork of this lovely present,
is the most valuable present for my twenteen birthday..

Was all alone for the entire day,
shopping,
visit to temple,
travelling around,
until i had movie with my god-siblings,
guess,
everyone's juz so busy,
guess,
it's jus a bad timing for my birthday,
wat to do?

says i enjoyed my birthday,
nah,
not really,
coz all the time was alone,
but for the last part for dinner movie and starbucks,
guess,
that's the highlight for my own birthday,
papa and mama,
also forgot i guess,
=)
a lot of my frens also forgot,
even my house mates nv notice =x
nah,
am fine with it..
im juz
borned
in
a
wrong
time
=x

anyway,
i was prepared for this birthday,
coz everyone's busy=)
nah,
am fine with it,
glad my god-siblings are around,
and glad that the small celebration occurred,
and thanks for the day =)

Happy birthday Stevenn =)

aihz

i cried,
like finally,
S.E.N.S songs are really,
touching my heart deeply,
spur out this emotions,
and i think it's better for me to cry.

thinking again,
another quiet b'day,
am i really used to it?
or i actually hope for something for my bday?
B'day has nv been important to my parents,
and they have not been a proper birthday,
coz we dun usually celebrate.
I hope to have a gathering,
to have lotz of present,
but all this are juz mere imagination and hopes.
guess,
a quiet b'day again,
guess im prepared for it..

I feel so cheated,
and i really dun feel like doing anything,
im like so so so so out of mind.
i noe i shd be strong to carry on.
im picking myself up.
worry not.
i juz hope u dun read these.

Cheated..

Maybe,
whatever that keeps pushing me has gone,
and it juz broke me twice..
i got cheated..

Aldo,
i've put in my passion,
n juz,
u told me that,
i could not get my own pair of shoes,
even if i work 6 months,
i won't be able to get the shoes..
U juz broke my momentum,
that is wat has been pushing me all the while,
and now,
it seems pointless..

And u,
i juz realise,
i got cheated,
like all the while..
maybe wat she say is true,
u came back for a reason.
even if u were to take advantage of me,
guess i juz owe u in my previous life.
i regretted asking,
i almost break down and cry,
tears are running,
and i noe it was all the past,
and i should not even ask,
and just let it kept as a beautiful memory between u and me.
Apparently,
it was one-sided,
and u juz played on,
by cheating me,
and faked to me..
guess wat?
now i understand y u didn't dare to see me..
and everything juz linked up..
im utterly upset.
and im really sad..
thanks though,
for playing the role so well..

Orientation.. The past and present..

Juz went for orientation 2010..
was not as good as it was during our batch,
complained a lot,
but i should noe that every1 has given their bestest,
so,
i shall learn to accept it,
no matter how much flaw it has,
no matter how many mistakes there are,
at least,
it is successful,
and AAR will help to really make them realise things are different..

Thinking back,
Orientation was a blast during our year,
we had this mindset,
everything is for the school..
Things maybe different now,
Weird arrangements,
and a lot of unexpected things..
We love the school,
Orientation was with objectives like,
School Bonding,
Class Bonding,
and Enjoying..
We had achieved those i believe,
and seeing this orientation,
i could only sigh..

Things happen,
people are getting so selfish,
they do things for their own,
they make things happen for their own benefit..
and many many more..
Thinking back,
we were in good terms with HE..
and now,
problems created out of tiny mini things,
juz coz of sides we took,
ended up,
we are really,
nothing but stranger..
It make me think that there are more than one reason behind it..
and i still do not understand it happened,
guess u r juz too ashamed to befren me anymore,
guess u regretted watever happened...

I always believe in equivalent trade,
being fatalistic,
yet optimistic and really,
things will be much different..
I lost u,
but i got a buddy back,
instead,
i hope this bond is forged even stronger..
Losing u,
gaining another one,
it's always a trade..
I lost things recently,
i think it's fated,
and i really am fine with it,
coz these are still things im able to buy,
im able to sacrifice,
able to regain..
i wan these important things of mine,
to really stay on with me..
i really hope,
i could really change a little bit,
at least to each and everyone in my circle of life..
I do my best,
juz to cheer things up,
juz to make everyone around me happy..
Im really doing my best already,
even if it takes my energy,
even if it makes me tired,
yet,
i will sit down and be happy that what had happened.
Guess loving what im doing is what's most important.
and i noe im loving my life,
i noe i love wat im doing,
and im putting my effort in it.
i hope everything will be fine,
and really i wish everything will be fine for everyone..

Thinking,
my birthday is coming.
I noe it's very near,
counting down it's like 8 days.
and i noe im not gonna say anything..
saying that i have no expectation is obviously fake.
coz i nv had the birthday i would love to have.
dreaming that kind of birthday ever since i was young,
and i noe this year,
it will not be achieved,
as im working..
and my birthday,
will end up in a tired working day..
nothing else..
a lot of things in my mind that i wana buy,
but then again,
i noe i shd not hope for anything,
and earn myself the money for these things,
that will be my goal while im working..
i hope things turn well
and carry on as it shd be..
i love my life..

Confused~

I have not updated myself in da blog..
Hmm.
apparently,
everything is so good...
and,
yea,
my phone is like dead..
Sms-es is like so rare,
and,
i changed my phone number somemore...

Hmm..
being at home is so wonderful..
i miss home,
and soon i will leave my home again
Argh..
and now i am asked to host a japanese girl
and i really hope,
i would spend more time with my family..
Mum and Dad
misses me so so so so much,
even im in KL for just 2nd day,
mummy feels lonely..
I noe how she feels,
the emptiness,
the feeling of not productive,
and mum and dad,
i always love you =)

Dear kor kor,
i had a nice chat with you..
Over the dinner just now,
i'm so sorry i can't help u to destress,
and i noe u r very stressed,
i really hope,
u at least love what you are doing,
at least the passion will drive you on,
and i hope,
u take care yourself,
take proper meals,
and have proper rest..
Heard what u said juz now,
was so touching,
and very considerate,
but im so sorry,
coz i dun earn any income.
I will save some of my income.
nii-chan
watashiga anatawo daisuki desu =)

Dear Quan,
hmm,
guess u have been checking my blog kinda often to see anything for you.
Im so sorry for the late replies,
the lots of promises to on9 that were unfulfilled.
Im sorry..
i have lotz of things to do,
to spend time with mua family,
to catch up with my frens,
to talk things out to my parents,
travelling...
arh...
Im so so so sorry..
=)
i miss ya too =)
and i really wish to go back,
but at the same time stay at home,
this feeling,
ARH
im so tired of this feeling,
trapped between both sides..
ARgh..
but yup,
guess i'll be back to sg real soon,
to work,
and to really work,
and i hope to keep myself busy,
like doing 2 part time works and earn a little more..
x.x
anyway,
i miss the times we studied in NLB Esplanade,
the little times we set up walls,
the long yet short journey to and fro the library,
the times spent on shopping for prom,
and a lot of a lot of tiny little times we spent chatting to each other.
=)
miss ya lotz,
buddy~~

Dear Rud,
im so missing u too..
i noe u dun read my blog,
but still,
i miss the times we played game,
eat noodles,
and the last few moments we really cherished.
Condolescence to ur family upon ur grandma's death,
and take care yourself,
i'll be missing you and see u in feb =)

Dear 0816,
it's my pride when i speak of u all in msia,
how bonded a class could be,
how supportive a class could be,
how wonderful a class could be,
how amazing u people are to me..
Thanks,
and i really gonna miss the times spent with u all...
I hope,
i really do hope,
we would at least meet up at least once a year,
and have a real big chat..
Please live on the 0816 spirit,
and let it burn till the end of our lives..
=)

Dear councilors,
i'm so glad being part of the family,
and i've really grown so so so much,
because of the times we spent together,
making mistakes,
amending them,
and then settle them.
I've learnt to see life differently,
due to the fact that we are all people with different characteristic.
I love and miss the times spent with u all =)
31st,
forever =)

Dear Default
eventhough we are from various parts of Msia,
eventually,
we are fated to be together for this short time period.
Im sorry for not being able to be there for all the times,
but still i cherish the things we had done..
thanks =)

Ultimately,
i miss my life in Sg,
and i love my life now,
being in Sitiawan,
where should i go when i'm trapped in between?

Confused
Venn~

My 2nd Departure

I wonder,
this time,
how will i be..
In fact,
i know i will break down totally..

Im sad,
to leave this place,
even though the stress,
even though the sucky hostel,
even though the depression i felt,
even all the bad things happening over here..
i am sad to leave..

Thinking of it,
Some has left,
some haven't..
And next would be me..

im gonna miss all the times in Singapore..
"They are gonna ostracize you"
that's wat my senior told me bout singaporean..
But in fact,
i nv even encounter it at all..
And i noe,
all i have over here is,
my foreign frens..
Not my parents,
not my hometown frens,
just all my new frens..

Sometimes,
thinking back,
i regret,
for not doing some of the things i could have done better,
for some of the things i ignored coz of my tiredness..
Im sorry if i hadn't put in my best-est effort,
but really,
i regret..

Recently,
the saddest thing for me,
is,
my class,
Council,
and Rud..
I wonder,
wat's wrong with me..
maybe i just love all of them to the max..
Attended prom,
Had stay-over after prom,
wasn't full strength,
but still,
it's so touching,
to see everyone so happy..

My dear classmates,
im so sorry,
for being so irritating at times,
for being so insensitive at times..
But i hope,
my existence in the class has in a way or another,
change the mood of the class,
change the impression of a malaysian,
change the thoughts in ur life,
change the strength of ur heart..
I kept thinking,
of all places,
i get into Singapore,
and of all JCs,
i got Nanyang,
and of all classes,
i got 0816,
and of all people,
it's none other than the 23 + 1 of u guys..
really,
i felt so lucky,
and blessed,
to really have such a class...

"People come and go in your life"
"People come into ur life for a reason.."
I hope,
i fulfilled my reason in ur life..
I dun think that this is the end,
but i cant be too optimistic to say that we will always be as close as now..
I noe this will gonna drift us away,
due to different spaces,
different lives,
different times,
different socialising circles,
and different expectation.

I just hope that we could have a yearly outing,
and really really keep this bonded class together..
I forgot since when,
i state that i have 2 families in Singapore,
1 is 31st council,
and the other one is 0816..
Thanks guys..
really,
i have not been so loved in a class,
so being pampered,
so being accepted for who i am..
Thanks a lot..
My dear class,
could we try our best to keep in touch,
and at least,
increase the half-life of the decay of our frenship?
=)
i have faith in all of us..
The ONE AND ONLY 0816..

Council,
my dear 31st..
For all the things we had gone through,
for everything that we had suffered together,
that we have laughed together..
we will miss it..
and i know we are kinda drifting away,
but yet,
we are still one,
ONE AND ONLY 31st

Rud.
my Most wonderful buddy in singapore,
my most wonderful soulmate..
Thanks for everything,
for all the strength and courage u give me,
for all the encouragement and listening ears,
for all the care and concern u gave me,
for all the love a buddy could give,
thanks..
and im so gonna miss u..

My Life = Passenger of MRT

hi again,
these few days,
it's kinda emo period,
and that's all tat need to break me down
DEPARTURE

this will be the 2nd time of departure..
i know this will be so much harder than the first..

Was thinking,
life is so like an MRT,
and im like a passenger.

Thinking back,
it's so true..
Im like a passenger..
Some people come into my life,
some people get out of my life,
in the middle of my ride.
Some get off,
and hop on at another station..

Some in the MRT made an impact,
that can let me feel so touched,
made me learn..
Some in the MRT create anger,
frustration,
by not showing Care..

Sometimes,
it's a pleasant journey,
sometimes,
it's a sad journey,
and sometimes,
it's a happy journey..

Sometimes,
i dun wanna see some people in the MRT,
sometimes,
i just can't wait to see the person in my life again..

MRT could stuck in the middle of the track,
showing life would be so mundane some times,
and some may even accelerate,
so fast that we could not even catch its pace..