=) guess it's time to let go and buck up =)

Guess things have been happening,
and sometimes we could not even react with them,
things are going too fast.
Im slowing my pace for now,
i am tired of chasing,
or shd i say im already not chasing,
and i hope ppl will chase after me instead =)

yea,
imma tired pig now,
would rest,
and do wateva i like..
of coz i will do wateva i have to do too =)

thought through lots of things,
lots of frens,
lots of family members,
lots about life.
Guess,
it's time to let the past go,
pray for the future,
and enjoy now.
and it will be
Live through the past
Hope for the future,
Appreciate and cherish now.. =)
yeap.

all the love i can give to u who read this =)
love u guys always.

Lonely

Erm,
guess,
being at the bbq nv really made me feel very belong either,
fri's class outing's a failure too,
arh,
guess depression on the way.
I wonder,
how am i going to survive this.

Though HQ n KW has been all the while bside me,
creating fun in my life,
life still bores me.
I couldnt get any close fren,
yea,
close fren that i really mean it,
like rud.
Guess,
nv will i get close to any1 i guess?
He has made me feel so weird.
like he has set up that barrier.
guess,
tat's the extent we could go.
i hope nothing much from uni life i guess.
coz i've seen all these coming.
It's a brand new start,
and why am i here?
it's kinda unfair,
coz they have all primary, secondary, jc frens..
i,
only had limited JC girl frens that are in NTU.
Sad,
and im allergic to 2 certain groups that i wont get any closer.
Im sick and tired of them,
maybe,
it's juz those few.
but i've already lost hope in them.
im really tired.
Im lonely,
and,
im juz empty.

Thanks to HQ and KW who keeps accompanying me,
but then again,
ppl like me who is very high,
still,
looking for close frens.
Why can't i juz stop it?
i dunno y but i juz cannot live with the feeling of comfort.
i want to get close frens,
at least,
meals are not alone,
lectures i have a place to belong.
Im actually kinda sad.
"oh im going with my primary frens."
"Oh im sitting with my JC frens"
bla bla bla.
Im tired.
yea,
i tried very best to blend in,
yet these walls are juz there.
im tired of breaking walls already.
im sick of getting close fren actually.
it's not easy,
it's total break down of the wall in the heart.
how many frens can really noe wat u r thinking?
I wanna build frenship tat last forever.
i wanna build frenship that could sacrifice for each other.
and i wanna build frenship that i can always turn to,
cling on,
believe in.
yet,
lines are drawn,
walls are built.
Breaking it down,
im capable.
but im juz tired of doing it anymore
guess,
juz get this 3 years done,
and get out of uni.
Uni is juz a brand new start.
a brand new topic,
a brand new course,
a brand new lifestyle,
a brand new struggle,
a brand new independence,
a brand new start,
and brand new search of frens,
where they are practically cliqued to each other.

talked bout uni,
we have been living in the past,
not wanting our JC life to get over.
Lost the lime light,
yet,
it's like so minute,
i feel so insignificant
i feel so useless.
yet,
i dun like lime light anymore.
i wanna be freed from expectations.
but,
things are not doing great,
people still expects things from me.
arh,
i needa rest.
i need a comfortable place.
i need security.
i need familiarity.
i need frens.

Life here

Once again bout life,
Once again,
someone passed away,
Jiayi's Dad.
Thanks uncle,
i didnt really get to interact much with you,
but u are a respectable figure to me.
Im so sorry for jiayi n her family,
things jus happen so suddenly.
Sometimes,
we just take things for granted.
when will we just breathe our last breath?
when will we just see some1 so dearly to us collapse,
and never ever wake up anymore?
when will we hear some1 so dearly to us,
pass away?
when will we stare into the coffin,
looking at those we dear for the last time?
Things are juz unexpectable.
Things are juz sudden.
Things are juz unavoidable.
Things are juz irreversible.
Are we prepared for these things?
Am I?

Was talking to Zip,
Wonderful nite we had
talked bout rud,
realised i havent really let him go totally,
maybe im juz too over protective..
sometimes,
good intentions,
juz get bombed.
I miss u actually,
rud.

Moved in NTU hostel,
thanks to Huiquan and family
for everything.
Really,
im so lucky to be taken care of,
to be so lucky..
Basically they packed everything for me
provide me with electrical appliances,
provide care that i need,
and really,
thank you.
I do not want to take things for granted.
Thank you..

Tut mates are normal,
hope would b able to bond like a class.
Tired of getting another buddy,
since people are like diff and clique-ish
Tired.
Juz stay low profile.

Miss NYJC,
Miss 0816,
Miss Home,
Miss everything.