Sigh

What d heck man?
Sometimes,
life just don't come it the way we want it..
yup,
totally agree,
but i noe i can make a difference,
coz what i believe,
and what i trusted so much,
is destiny..
Being fatalistic,
in fact,
really allow me to love my life like damn lot..

Heard complaints bout Econs,
no matter how hard it was,
and everything is over,
what could we even do to change the exam script?
Nothing..
And this led to thoughts like wasting time in Sg,
and stuffs like accepting the decision of being tortured by such pressurising education system,
but to me,
i noe that's my destiny..
of coz i've thought of these,
of coz i felt the way,
but then again,
i still love my life,
for wat it brings to me,
i noe,
tat's for a reason,
for wat im doing,
it's just fated..

Was raining while i walk home,
yup,
was heavy,
called u,
like always,
u nv reply my call..
In the end,
i rather not call u anymore,
coz we had an argument just becoz of asking u to fetch me the other day..
since tat's so hard,
i felt that,
what's frenship?
isn't it obvious why i call u in this rain?
and what u could do was,
not even a call,
of coz not there with an umbrella for me..
What u did was just a message,
with text " ? "
Wat else could u do?
Im actually very very disappointed..
I noe u saw me totally wet,
i dun wanna talk much to u,
i noe these things need not need to say..
yesterday i came back by then's car,
and i still call u to ensure u have an umbrella,
and that's what u can do for me?
Im,
disappointed.

Another incident,
ya,
my dear fren over there,
haha,
"i dun like it when i need to fake a smile...
and act as like nothing's wrong"
thanks man,
Thanks for being so fake..
Now i noe how u think,
now,
i noe why u hav such problems u used to complain to me..
ur frens are just tired of u..
and i am too..
U ain't putting effort,
U ain't doing anything,
and u hope the frenship will live on?
Dream..
Thanks man,
now i noe what's in ur mind..
Since u need to fake,
might as well don't smile!!
Whatever man!
Hahaha..
I accepted u for all ur attitude,
and just small things,
and i wasn't the person who scoffed at ur junior,
and u blame me for taking sides,
when im listening to both sides..
As u wish la..
Like it ur way,
i've foresee this frenship to end,
but nv expected it would be this way,
Thanks for ending the pain..
U take care and live on ya..
And thanks for everything,
especially the stay u provided to me..
Im so sorry i'm just too tired,
of being the one saving frenship,
while u sit there and do nothing,
but just complaining about
"Eww.. feel so fake to smile.."
Grow up!!
And u r going into the society,
things dun happen the way u want it to be..
With this kind of "PRINCE" attitude,
i doubt u will even survive,
all u can do is just grunt..

In the meantime,
i've got this new fren,
not really new,
but just got close to him like recently..
he expects nothing much,
even today i asked him whether U're back,
and eventually,
this new fren even care more than U do..
he still asks where am i,
and whether i need an umbrella,
and he wouldn't mind to come and fetch me..
u?
Thanks for that "?"
ya..
tat's wat u call buddy..

Sometimes,
relationship,
we needa let it go,
it doesn't happen the way we want,
coz it's 2-sided,
and i can only give my best,
and up to u..
im sorry to be frank,
But i was pissed off with both the YOUs..

Stressed..

It has been a stressful period..
Indeed,
A levels is stressful..
Yup,
i cried today,
after so much things on my shoulder,
and i cried coz i miss home...

after so much things happening over here,
what i could really miss is home..
i've never had this feelings before,
never ever loved my home so much..
what im hoping now is,
go home and spend lotz of time with my family..
now it's like 0019,
and im so stressed up...

Lotz of think cocked up,
lotz of things fucked up..
yet,
that's much more for me to learn,
much more for me to endure..
i'm losing my momentum on this A's..
and it's freaking tiring..
how i wish it would be over like real soon..
Days were so different from SPM..
where i slacked off nearly all the paper,
as i was too complacent..

I made my own cheesecake with munkit and quang,
i love my sweet stuff..
i bought myself a new slippers =)
i love it like hell lot...
=)
im loving each and everyday,
and my days are gonna end soon in singapore..
Im gonna miss NYJC,
Esplanade library,
Oldham hall,
Sentosa,
ECP,
MRTs,
and of coz Parry hall..

arh,
days are like gonna end soon,
and it's time to pack myself up to the next stage of life,
wonder what will happen when i reach the end of my life..
where will i go?
what will happen?
really,
im freaking out just by thinking bout that..
everyone will be forgotten someday,
and what's gonna happen?
im scared..
i love those dear to me,
i dun wanna take them for granted,
and im giving my best to them..
Yet,
sometimes,
i feel like being taken for granted,
am fine with that,
but please do not go overboard,
as this is the sensitive period that we all will break down very easily..
I cried,
coz i realise my frens are not that expressive,
and im just too tired to figure out..
Eventually,
im at fault..
sorry..
Arh..
anyway,
exams are bad,
and stress is devouring everyone...

i love Table tennis,
and jiayou Zhen Ting,
though i nv really spend time with u..
hope,
u will made the correct decision,
and hope u have a bright future,
All the best..

Thanks world for wonderful days everyday..
I love my life,
thanks to u who plans every single bits and pieces of my life...
thanks..

Songs i loved.... =)

圆缘圈

手牵着手
我们共围个圈
圈中又圈
圈着我们的心

心牵着心
我们共画个圈
圈中又圈
为生命画圆

相聚是缘 完美是缘
让完美的缘能变得更圆
让我们感谢父母恩情
让我们圆缘

惜缘是圆 一切随缘
当你遇到挫折切莫忘记
我们彼此还拥有这份
最圆的缘

当岁月在考验我们
记得为彼此画圈
把彼此的圈画得更圆
圈着彼此的缘



团圆

一个人孤孤单单走到海角天边
偶尔想从前回味成长的酸和甜
多希望有一天能再轻抚你的脸
再多的辛苦
披星戴月
心甘情愿
全世界
走一遍
不枉来人间兜一圈
梦可以
很遥远
狂风暴雨都不改变
全世界
心相连
用爱围一个大圈圈
梦就算
再遥远
心里有家就会团圆

Midst of Preparation for As..

Now,
i noe how korkor feels..
how stressful the education could be in singapore.
Im tired of this last lap..
im putting my effort,
my best effort,
but still,
i cannot do much..
im so weak..

"This is the last leg of the race, Charge on all the way!"
Marky sent me this with a chocolate biscuit..
How sweet that is..
really,
im touched,
by what this tiny little things people are giving me at this moment..
Thanks a lot,
all my friends..

Quan,
thanks for everything,
calming me down,
baring with my angst,
and every single frustration u get from me..
im sorry..
really,
thanks for everything,
all the accompany,
and all the encouragement..
Thanks a lot...

Eddie,
wonderful buddy u r there,
was just joking bout having dinner over at ur place,
immediately u would wanna call ur mom to prepare some extra for us..
Thanks eddie,
for being so accommodating..

Yannie,
thanks for all the things u helped me,
especially in maths..
and every thing else..

MingSze,
for the mahjongs,
swimming plans and everything,
thanks,
for even offering the place for us to study..

Matthew,
for those funny looks u gave us,
for studying together..

Evelyn,
arh.. thanks for studying with me..
i hope u r more confident..
and jiayou..

Rud,
for always being there for me..
i thank u for the care u've always given me..

In this midst of preparation,
im so sorry coz i've like having some friendship drifting further away from me..
Fear has crippled all over me..
SPM was a piece of cake coz i know im coming here...
A levels determines everything..
and im scared..
really freaking out..
i hope i would feel this way like so much earlier
so i could do much more..
but whatever it is..
im glad for whatever happened
and i will do my best
for eveyrthing now on..
really..
thanks for all the supports..
Thanks for everything..
Venn here,
still doing fine,
and im still loving my life,
forever i hope =)

Blogging?

Hmm..
It has been quite some time since i blogged.
In this messy moment,
im breaking down soon..
im tired,
exhausted
dying..
Yet,
im happy to have this kind of life,
im glad that everything is fine now.
I noe im not 100% prepared,
i noe im not working to my maximum capacity,
but im glad that this is my best effort in education ever since young.
Never have i felt insecure in studies,
never have i felt helpless in studies,
never have i felt so enjoyable while studying,
until i came to Singapore

I formatted my comp,
i lost the link to all the blogs i used to visit,
and now,
i've got it back..
Even though i've spent quite some time searching it,
which i should be using it to study,
but i feel so much better..
even though we lost contact,
even though we are so like acquaintance now,
i dun care..
coz we were once friend,
close friend,
buddy..
I doubt u r still reading my blog,
but im fine with it..
the awkwardness i use to feel has started melting away,
at least,
we still smile when we meet..
and,
i won't forget the times i spent at ur place..
I thank you for everything u have given me during my wonderful singapore life..
I'm still waiting for the A's to be over,
so that we could at least talk once again,
even though the chances are so low..
i still believe,
if we both care for the friendship,
we will eventually be still friends.
Even if i had to go back to malaysia,
Fate would bring us back once again,
if we are fated to be friends..
And all i wish is,
u take care and hope u r successful with ur aims and goals..
All the best, Nic

I dropped by ur photobucket,
i saw some familiar photos,
and this 3 are those taken when we had our dinner,
if i was not wrong,
it's 30th April.
And i would wanna remember that moment,
we both are so frank to each other,
and we talked so much..
Eventually,
i know what's done couldn't be undone,
and u keep insisting that i've taken side..
U did too..
Remember that,
we both took sides with both we strongly believe in..
And,
eventually,
those things does not really started from us.
and i hope things would get better,
and yup,
let our juniors settle themselves..
Guess im old and tired of these things anymore,
what matters most is our A's now..
I really wish u all the best in ur future endeavours.
I'll remember you,
Nic Tay