hmm..
seems quite a while since i blogged..
im so sorry for not updating
but then again,
i dun quite noe why i lost this blogging feeling,
and i dun feel like blogging out what i feel anymore.
Coz,
i realise,
the internet is kinda scary,
people commenting their views too openly,
which in turn,
hurt a lot of people.
Yep,
i got hurt too,
and i could not believe,
it happened.
Guess,
it's time to let go,
and it's time to stand up,
and be independent.
I still believe,
and I still respect,
tat's y,
nothing i had commented so personally,
would end up in my blog and facebook anymore.
coz,
u noe wat?
grown up people will be much rational,
and not juz spit and bitch everything they feel on internet.
not anymore,
to me.
In the end,
facebook is just a mere web to connect me with my frens.
and nothing else.
Thinking back,
i've been quite dependent lately,
probably,
it was due to my lost.
and,
it's time to be alone and stand firm,
to be independent.
dun get me wrong,
i am not discarding any relationships,
and yet,
i wanna stay firm,
confident,
and strong.
I used to be the role model,
for whom,
people look up to,
people respect,
people who talked about when they talk bout something good.
I am actually tired of that kind of life,
ever since kindergarten,
parents have been looking at me,
hoping their child would be as good as me,
then again,
dear parents,
u juz missed up their talents,
and u juz put more pressure to them.
in the end,
u will need to acknowledge ur own children's strength,
rite?
I am actually tired of being looked up to.
I was so famous back home,
almost everyone noes bout me,
yet again,
what does it bring?
fame?
LOL,
it's juz mere pressure.
I realise,
i have been living like tat for a long time.
Until,
i lost her.
then,
i crumple down,
i tried to be strong,
i tried to be firm,
i tried,
but yet,
there's too much i learned.
and there's too much to be learned.
i'm not matured enuff,
i need to be cool, calm and composed,
i need to be more rationale,
i need to be more confident.
i noe i need to,
yet,
im tired.
Those eyes that stares at me,
had decreased tremendously.
i didn't want to be the best,
and i wasn't the best though.
Im kinda tired,
and tat's y,
i have been so dependent.
After all,
JC life led me to lots of lessons in life.
What we had forged,
it's not easy.
Whatever shit we have been through,
we been through together,
tough,
yet no regrets.
=)
Thinking through my JC life,
i really did my effort,
i really have no more regret.
I doubt all this frenships will last,
but then again,
i hope they would.
my family and my home in sg,
u all will always be missed.
i could not even remember the times i said i miss 0816 and 31st,
ever since JC life ended.
I remember i even said it before JC life ends.
yup,
til today,
this point of time,
i miss all of you.
i really hope all of u will be fine,
i really hope for the best for all of you.
and i noe i will gonna miss all of you until the last breathe of my life.
i will be so proud to talk to my kids,
or even grandkids,
bout what i've been through.
Life,
so uncertain,
who knows i will juz poof tomolo?
who knows one of my dearest will juz go?
who knows what happen tomolo?
life,
so precious,
yet so fragile.
Learn,
Love,
Live.
This feeling to blog came back,
and i do miss my grandaunt.
i miss 31st,
i miss 0816,
i miss aldo staffs,
i miss my brother,
i miss all my secondary school friends.
so much changes,
yet,
so much still stay the same.
This feeling of being home,
i'm so missing it.
i realise,
i run away from problems.
i am not facing them as firm as i thought i did.
i realise,
im weak.
im so weak inside out.
im so fragile.
im so useless.
Yet,
i will still have hope
coz,
wat life brings is jus hope,
being alive,
is one great awesome thing,
aint it?
Learning bout Pandora's box,
according to greek mythology,
what was left behind when all evil stroke the world,
after this lady opened the box,
is,
HOPE.
yep,
hope,
and always live on.
The thought of changing the world is so naive.
yet,
i noe i could make a difference.
being open,
being vulnerable is who i am.
and im aware of the consequences that brings along,
yet,
im truthful.
i have nothing to regret.
and i will stay this way,
i believe,
even if i fail,
whatever i wish to change,
would juz pass from 1 person to another,
in the end,
eventhough it takes eternity,
it will still pass on,
eventually,
i believe,
this love for this world would remain.
Love,
Hope,
these are the amazing things we have,
and we should treasure them.
On the top,
i said i would not say anything i feel so openly,
that only applies to bitching.
i would really respect,
and wish i could keep what i say.
and i will still be blogging,
about myself,
about happy things,
about life.
20 years old,
and 21 is coming,
soon is 30,
then 40,
then 60
then....
i won't noe.
the thought of death is so scary.
the thought of death,
is worrying.
what will happen?
what will happen then?
life goes on for those who r still alive.
what will happen to me?
is there really heaven and hell?
and will i be seeing all my dearest?
thinking,
wat happen if it's my parents?
im gonna cry my lungs out i believe.
please.
im afraid of death.
and being alone,
makes things worse.
what will life eventually turn out?
will i have a chance to see this world again?
and many more things.
that's y,
i love my life coz it's gonna be this once,
and even if i will come back again,
i will be another person.
i love my life dearly,
and i really love what i am doing.
even stoning,
it's juz proof that im still alive.
in the end,
i need to be very strong,
and very confident.
i really need to.
Life has been treating me awesome.
and,
a lot of friends i met,
and a lot more i have yet to meet.
im cherishing all of u,
would u all please cherish all that u loved too?
life,
is really like a journey.
It will come to an end,
and the process is still the most important thing,
and whatever the outcome is,
we would have no regret.
In the end,
learn to love whatever we have.
Im learning,
and i hope u all learn this too.
Let's learn to love our lives more dearly.
Love,
Wei
