I've always trusted fate..
and i wonder why i doubt it now..
i shall continue to be fatalistic.
Everything happens for a reason,
everything happens coz it's just planned,
and, everything happens for the sake of ur life.
I wonder whether u still read my blog,
but frankly,
i still read ur blog,
and is still very often,
to check on whatever's running in ur mind.
From ur birthdate,
u wudn't give in so easily..
I noe that,
but wat again?
I still care..
Eesh..
Nah,
i can't do much,
handing everything to fate..
Please guide me..
Attended Mid Autumn Festival Celebration in hostel..
"Home" they call it,
i kinda doubt so..
coz,
there aren't ppl that really care,
They care coz they dun wan u to get problems for them
and just "care" for the sake of their rice bowl..
realistic..
yup,
that's life..
However,
that scene,
whereby they all gather together,
at the performing area,
was warm..
Different people from different countries,
different creed and beliefs,
different language,
with the common "Foreigner" labelled..
and there they go,
singing together,
cheering for one another,
wat a heart warming scene to be seen..
RJ sang Nobody..
As expected,
wonderful.
and she managed to get the crowd to shout for Encore..
and received lots of flower from people who don't really noe her..
Indeed,
that was a nice piece..
Thanks RJ..
Scheme through Facebook,
saw some photos of Sitiawan,
taken by Kaizia's fren..
It's just Lumut,
It's just so bored to go there anymore,
but from the photos,
it seems to be so beautiful.
it seems to be so natural,
so pristine..
Argh..
I read Keat's blog,
from Bukit Tinggi, Kuala Selangor,
and eventually,
home's the best..
Undeniable.
That's the fact,
there's nowhere like home..
Prelims is killing me,
i can't sleep..
Was so pissed when i jus can't get myself to sleep...
and even bothered Rud's sleep..
Arh.
Sorry buddy,
but really,
thanks for all the massage that helped to loosen me..
And now,
i'm sitting in front of the comp.
Still kinda alive,
after only 2 hrs of sleep last nite..
nah,
i'm getting weak,
and it's time,
i need to go sleep =)
By the way,
i think i've grown fatter..
yet,
got struck by the stupid stomach discomfort,
eesh,
guess i lose weight again..
nah
it's ok..
=)
arh..
that's just so much things to think of rite now,
so many things i would like to buy,
and so many things i wanna do..
ARH...
I love my life..
and i miss home..
Saturday, September 26
Sunday, September 20
In the Midst of Prelims
I didn't study much recently..
Nv had the mood to do so,
nv had the urge..
It's like so darn goddamn boring,
so exhausted of studying..
Partly,
i nv see myself improve at all,
but in fact,
my results are deteriorating..
It's like wat d heck,
but then again,
that's life..
I watched Zeitgeist,
wonderful movie,
that provoke so much thinking within me..
911 incident,
is it a real thing?
or it is just all planned,
to gain the trust of the citizens,
to gain the unity?
Heard of North American Union?
US no longer exist,
but in fact NAU which consist of America, Mexico and Canada..
They are planning to create just one world..
and it was kinda enriching to watch that movie,
as it's like so much analytical comments..
blah..
screw those politicians and those money-face idiots..
Subprime Mortgage Crisis happen thanks to you guys...
Nah,
after all,
i learnt this one sentence,
which is so much meaningful..
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace"
Indeed, this sentence is so darn true..
Love,
Humans are gifted with
thoughts,
feelings,
and also,
affection..
I think this world just lack of love,
what kind of love do we have to those around us?
Do we even smile to the people around us?
Do we even bother to help those in need?
Do we really feel the ache deep in our heart when we see other suffers..?
When i say all these,
i know i'm guilty myself,
i really am,
but then,
i'm trying to change..
I've promised,
to those disabled who r performing street arts like singing and playing instruments,
everytime i meet them,
i will share 50 cents with them,
i shan't use donate,
and i shan't use give,
coz i earn non of them,
but then,
i just wanna help them..
Though,
it's just 50cents,
i noe it is not much,
but then again,
i really hope that it would help them in a way or another..
And,
i think,
u can make a difference too.. =)
I'm getting things very personal,
like getting upset for some tiny mini problem..
ARH,
i'm just to overruled by my emotions..
and Prelims is overwhelming me..
x.x
By the way,
i read HK's blog,
like i miss a lot of stuff..
Firstly,
i wasn't there for u,
and,
i didn't noe u r one of my frequent blog reader..
Same goes to SJ.. =)
But then again,
i feel bad for not being able to be there for u all,
not even my voice will reach,
by the time i knew things are happening,
i'm just too late..
I think that those f-ed up feelings has mild down over time,
but then again,
i just want u to know,
friends,
are just there for u,
those close ones,
those that have been chosen to be there for u..
Don't u think everything on earth is like so well-arranged?
For whom is ur family member,
For whom is ur friend,
For whom is ur teacher,
and for whom u r going to meet..
Some relations,
they are just for ur lifetime,
and for that,
we always take things for granted,
until,
we realise what we really lose,
and who that really cares and matters..
No matter what,
Family Members are still there for u FOREVER..
really..
=)
saying that,
i'm missing my parents and korkor =)
It has been a tough time,
i'm stressed,
but then again,
i nv forget to show love to those i really love..
watch out for each other...
and make the world a better place..
Everything starts from individuals... =)
Nv had the mood to do so,
nv had the urge..
It's like so darn goddamn boring,
so exhausted of studying..
Partly,
i nv see myself improve at all,
but in fact,
my results are deteriorating..
It's like wat d heck,
but then again,
that's life..
I watched Zeitgeist,
wonderful movie,
that provoke so much thinking within me..
911 incident,
is it a real thing?
or it is just all planned,
to gain the trust of the citizens,
to gain the unity?
Heard of North American Union?
US no longer exist,
but in fact NAU which consist of America, Mexico and Canada..
They are planning to create just one world..
and it was kinda enriching to watch that movie,
as it's like so much analytical comments..
blah..
screw those politicians and those money-face idiots..
Subprime Mortgage Crisis happen thanks to you guys...
Nah,
after all,
i learnt this one sentence,
which is so much meaningful..
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace"
Indeed, this sentence is so darn true..
Love,
Humans are gifted with
thoughts,
feelings,
and also,
affection..
I think this world just lack of love,
what kind of love do we have to those around us?
Do we even smile to the people around us?
Do we even bother to help those in need?
Do we really feel the ache deep in our heart when we see other suffers..?
When i say all these,
i know i'm guilty myself,
i really am,
but then,
i'm trying to change..
I've promised,
to those disabled who r performing street arts like singing and playing instruments,
everytime i meet them,
i will share 50 cents with them,
i shan't use donate,
and i shan't use give,
coz i earn non of them,
but then,
i just wanna help them..
Though,
it's just 50cents,
i noe it is not much,
but then again,
i really hope that it would help them in a way or another..
And,
i think,
u can make a difference too.. =)
I'm getting things very personal,
like getting upset for some tiny mini problem..
ARH,
i'm just to overruled by my emotions..
and Prelims is overwhelming me..
x.x
By the way,
i read HK's blog,
like i miss a lot of stuff..
Firstly,
i wasn't there for u,
and,
i didn't noe u r one of my frequent blog reader..
Same goes to SJ.. =)
But then again,
i feel bad for not being able to be there for u all,
not even my voice will reach,
by the time i knew things are happening,
i'm just too late..
I think that those f-ed up feelings has mild down over time,
but then again,
i just want u to know,
friends,
are just there for u,
those close ones,
those that have been chosen to be there for u..
Don't u think everything on earth is like so well-arranged?
For whom is ur family member,
For whom is ur friend,
For whom is ur teacher,
and for whom u r going to meet..
Some relations,
they are just for ur lifetime,
and for that,
we always take things for granted,
until,
we realise what we really lose,
and who that really cares and matters..
No matter what,
Family Members are still there for u FOREVER..
really..
=)
saying that,
i'm missing my parents and korkor =)
It has been a tough time,
i'm stressed,
but then again,
i nv forget to show love to those i really love..
watch out for each other...
and make the world a better place..
Everything starts from individuals... =)
Tuesday, September 15
MyDeath
Mood: unexplanable...
A lot of things are running in my mind
It just struck me a lot..
It has been quite a while since i blog..
I'm afraid to blog,
i'm afraid to let people know how i feel..
it just makes me so vulnerable,
so weak in people's eyes..
Now,
i noe,
it's not the case..
I dreamt bout me dying,
in fact dead..
And,
this could be due to me always thinking bout death.
I couldn't take it last nite.
I died..
And it almost made me cry,
coz of that dream.
I was fearful,
scared,
totally.
coz i dun wanna lose my life.
I used to think that people who cried coz of dreams are just so funny,
not until i met it myself,
last nite.
It was a day in Sg,
where i was at the Singapore Custom.
and suddenly i falled,
and landed on the ground juz beside my brother's car.
i woke up ( in my dreams)
and realise it's untrue and i need to pack up to go the custom.
The same lady officer stamped my passport,
but she was like
" How come is u again?"
and she thinks i'm impersonating someone..
she asked the security to take me away for investigation,
and when i was walking away with the security,
i saw paramedic,
with a stretcher,
i saw my face on the stretcher,
with the exact same clothes i'm wearing.
that point of time,
i knew i died.
I was utterly shocked.
all i could do,
is to yell..
"That's me!!" i shouted.
The security and the lady officer realised that i'm juz the spirit,
and they were shocked out of their lives.
the thing i did next was,
i knelt down,
praying to KuanYin,
please let me live on..
Please..
and things running in my mind were
My family members,
my friends...
and the application i did in facebook that predicts i will die early..
if im not mistaken,
it's 19 yrs old..
and then,
i was awaken,
to reality,
i was lying on bed,
i was totally shocked..
and fear,
and i really wanted to cry,
and in the mean time a sigh of relieve..
and then told Rud bout everything,
and he offered me a hug and ask me to sleep..
i was scared,
really..
I never had such dreams,
such horrible ones...
I think i'm stressed,
i admit it now.
I am,
really,
i do..
I couldn't be that strong anymore,
i couldn't smile coz i'm juz too stressed like i used to be anymore.
i'm scared of everything,
and i'm juz so sorry to make my frens worried.
I am stressed,
coz of the pressure i'm giving myself.
i wanna do better in this Prelims but nothing's pushing me to work for it.
honour roll?
nah, it's a holy grail..
then again,
i dun wanna worry my parents..
in fact,
i miss home..
argh..
talked to mum,
she noes i'm stressed,
she noes..
and i really miss home..
Mum's always provide me the internal strength,
that always pull me through,
and daddy's always the one that shows care..
korkor's the one who always provoke me to think,
and all these,
made me a stronger person..
and yet,
i'm still weak inside..
It has been a while since i contacted my secondary school friends.
Even for xueyen's birthday,
i didn't call home,
partly,
i forgot,
partly,
i was working for my prelims..
Sorry yup,
and i would call u some other time k?
Chun Yen,
i miss ya~~!!
Hell lotz man..
Fred's currently in Scotland,
wish him all the best =)
Zia and Pei are still in KL,
WanXiu too,
Keat should be doing fine..
and i really hope everything's real fine for everyone..
Sudden flash of Drew,
and it just makes me ponder,
how fragile friendship could be,
juz like me and nic..
we eventually turn back to strangers..
I'm upset bout it,
coz it's such heartaching..
Saw Drew's photo in Fred's outing,
it's been a long time since i talked to him,
and yet,
our distance grew much faster than any1 could think of.
Maybe that was our mistake,
and things went this way.
It could not be helped,
but i have done my part,
it's up to u now..
Sometimes,
i feel so dumb,
for putting so much effort,
especially in those that do not even care.
But what's true,
is my frenship,
my sincere.
I never ever get close to any frens for a certain reason.
I get close to u coz i'm comfortable to u,
and i hope u r comfortable with me too..
And i parted with 2 frens just due to something very minimal.
Maybe it's just too personal for me to comment,
but if i have a chance,
i would not want to lose any of u..
That keeps reminding of life,
Fragile,
Short,
Hardships,
yet, worth living..
I never regretted upon this life,
i used to think to suicide,
now,
i would never ever harm myself.
not over some stupid things like i used to be..
Everyone's important so someone.
and that someone whom u may not noe,
would always support u,
even though he/she does not really show up in person.
I knew that long ago,
thus,
i dislike cursing,
coz some1's still worrying bout the person u r cursing,
coz he/she is still a being who deserved to be loved.
Sometimes,
it is hard to show the truth,
the show the care and concern wholeheartedly..
it's just too hard to express..
and when some1 seems important to u,
u just wanna cherish them..
By seeing them smile,
listening to their grumbles,
is much more sufficient to show that u care..
in fact,
i would still sacrifice my life for those i love..
Things have changed a lot.
and i'm hitting 20 next year.
one quarter of life is over.
Maybe more than that,
who knows how long would i live..
yet,
i just wanna cherish those i love..
Nic,
i just want to retain this frenship,
i'm sorry for everything..
please?
Drew,
sorry for whatever done,
forgive me,
please?
i'm in a mood whereby none of the song that existed could suit me.
in the midst of Prelims,
this is a really F-ed up feeling..
i can't stop myself from thinking..
i juz can't,
i can't stop myself from feeling..
and i just lost myself to this stress..
I'm coping up to it,
worry not,
i will do myself proud,
I WILL..
A lot of things are running in my mind
It just struck me a lot..
It has been quite a while since i blog..
I'm afraid to blog,
i'm afraid to let people know how i feel..
it just makes me so vulnerable,
so weak in people's eyes..
Now,
i noe,
it's not the case..
I dreamt bout me dying,
in fact dead..
And,
this could be due to me always thinking bout death.
I couldn't take it last nite.
I died..
And it almost made me cry,
coz of that dream.
I was fearful,
scared,
totally.
coz i dun wanna lose my life.
I used to think that people who cried coz of dreams are just so funny,
not until i met it myself,
last nite.
It was a day in Sg,
where i was at the Singapore Custom.
and suddenly i falled,
and landed on the ground juz beside my brother's car.
i woke up ( in my dreams)
and realise it's untrue and i need to pack up to go the custom.
The same lady officer stamped my passport,
but she was like
" How come is u again?"
and she thinks i'm impersonating someone..
she asked the security to take me away for investigation,
and when i was walking away with the security,
i saw paramedic,
with a stretcher,
i saw my face on the stretcher,
with the exact same clothes i'm wearing.
that point of time,
i knew i died.
I was utterly shocked.
all i could do,
is to yell..
"That's me!!" i shouted.
The security and the lady officer realised that i'm juz the spirit,
and they were shocked out of their lives.
the thing i did next was,
i knelt down,
praying to KuanYin,
please let me live on..
Please..
and things running in my mind were
My family members,
my friends...
and the application i did in facebook that predicts i will die early..
if im not mistaken,
it's 19 yrs old..
and then,
i was awaken,
to reality,
i was lying on bed,
i was totally shocked..
and fear,
and i really wanted to cry,
and in the mean time a sigh of relieve..
and then told Rud bout everything,
and he offered me a hug and ask me to sleep..
i was scared,
really..
I never had such dreams,
such horrible ones...
I think i'm stressed,
i admit it now.
I am,
really,
i do..
I couldn't be that strong anymore,
i couldn't smile coz i'm juz too stressed like i used to be anymore.
i'm scared of everything,
and i'm juz so sorry to make my frens worried.
I am stressed,
coz of the pressure i'm giving myself.
i wanna do better in this Prelims but nothing's pushing me to work for it.
honour roll?
nah, it's a holy grail..
then again,
i dun wanna worry my parents..
in fact,
i miss home..
argh..
talked to mum,
she noes i'm stressed,
she noes..
and i really miss home..
Mum's always provide me the internal strength,
that always pull me through,
and daddy's always the one that shows care..
korkor's the one who always provoke me to think,
and all these,
made me a stronger person..
and yet,
i'm still weak inside..
It has been a while since i contacted my secondary school friends.
Even for xueyen's birthday,
i didn't call home,
partly,
i forgot,
partly,
i was working for my prelims..
Sorry yup,
and i would call u some other time k?
Chun Yen,
i miss ya~~!!
Hell lotz man..
Fred's currently in Scotland,
wish him all the best =)
Zia and Pei are still in KL,
WanXiu too,
Keat should be doing fine..
and i really hope everything's real fine for everyone..
Sudden flash of Drew,
and it just makes me ponder,
how fragile friendship could be,
juz like me and nic..
we eventually turn back to strangers..
I'm upset bout it,
coz it's such heartaching..
Saw Drew's photo in Fred's outing,
it's been a long time since i talked to him,
and yet,
our distance grew much faster than any1 could think of.
Maybe that was our mistake,
and things went this way.
It could not be helped,
but i have done my part,
it's up to u now..
Sometimes,
i feel so dumb,
for putting so much effort,
especially in those that do not even care.
But what's true,
is my frenship,
my sincere.
I never ever get close to any frens for a certain reason.
I get close to u coz i'm comfortable to u,
and i hope u r comfortable with me too..
And i parted with 2 frens just due to something very minimal.
Maybe it's just too personal for me to comment,
but if i have a chance,
i would not want to lose any of u..
That keeps reminding of life,
Fragile,
Short,
Hardships,
yet, worth living..
I never regretted upon this life,
i used to think to suicide,
now,
i would never ever harm myself.
not over some stupid things like i used to be..
Everyone's important so someone.
and that someone whom u may not noe,
would always support u,
even though he/she does not really show up in person.
I knew that long ago,
thus,
i dislike cursing,
coz some1's still worrying bout the person u r cursing,
coz he/she is still a being who deserved to be loved.
Sometimes,
it is hard to show the truth,
the show the care and concern wholeheartedly..
it's just too hard to express..
and when some1 seems important to u,
u just wanna cherish them..
By seeing them smile,
listening to their grumbles,
is much more sufficient to show that u care..
in fact,
i would still sacrifice my life for those i love..
Things have changed a lot.
and i'm hitting 20 next year.
one quarter of life is over.
Maybe more than that,
who knows how long would i live..
yet,
i just wanna cherish those i love..
Nic,
i just want to retain this frenship,
i'm sorry for everything..
please?
Drew,
sorry for whatever done,
forgive me,
please?
i'm in a mood whereby none of the song that existed could suit me.
in the midst of Prelims,
this is a really F-ed up feeling..
i can't stop myself from thinking..
i juz can't,
i can't stop myself from feeling..
and i just lost myself to this stress..
I'm coping up to it,
worry not,
i will do myself proud,
I WILL..
Wednesday, September 2
Long Time Since I Blogged
I should get my ass started,
to really study,
i'm scared..
of Prelims,
usually,
by Prelims,
i'm all prepared,
now,
i'm not,
n i will never be prepared..
Sometimes,
we just care too much,
but in fact,
that's what we want,
coz those mean a lot to us,
that's why we care..
Sometimes,
it's just heartaching,
to really see a frenship goes on,
snapping off,
and felt so helpless bout it..
Yup,
i've been reading ur blog,
i wonder,
do u read mine?
That time,
u turn away with that kind of stare,
i was wondering,
what could have possibly made us arrive this situation..
It was merely a small situation,
and ok,
u may feel that WE have insulted u,
BUT,
i dunno la..
i shdn't say im innocent,
im just guilty being in that group..
Happy?
Eesh
sometimes,
i still feel that in my class is much better,
no politics,
nothing much..
just a bit of bullshit here and there,
some ppl that would tease ppl,
but cannot be joked around..
EEsh..
Sometimes,
IF U FREAKING WANNA PLAY,
MAKE SURE IT'S 2-SIDED...
Argh..
why's so much things happening and irritating..
ARGH!!
x.x
Quan,
Jiayou,
at times,
we seek attention,
we thought we were close to someone which in fact we r not,
that's wat he(M) feels..
I think..
Just bear with it,
maybe somethings are better left unknown..
i miss home...
Btw,
heard that this fren of mine passed away,
due to accident,
0330hrs,
310809..
arh..
how fragile life can be..
Cherish..
CHERISH that's all i'm telling myself..
and i'm trying to..
yet,
taking things for granted has always come back to visit me..
I love my life,
i really do,
i love everyone that came across my life..
I love everything..
Ze Qin...
Though i dun really noe u..
At least,
we used to talk,
to joke around,
to greet each other..
Please,
RIP...
3 person i noe has gone just in this year..
how many more will come?
May blessings protect every single one i love..
Please,
i dun wanna lose any1 of u...
not now..
really...
Nic,
i still cherish u as my fren..
i'm still waiting for the time to talk to u..
to really study,
i'm scared..
of Prelims,
usually,
by Prelims,
i'm all prepared,
now,
i'm not,
n i will never be prepared..
Sometimes,
we just care too much,
but in fact,
that's what we want,
coz those mean a lot to us,
that's why we care..
Sometimes,
it's just heartaching,
to really see a frenship goes on,
snapping off,
and felt so helpless bout it..
Yup,
i've been reading ur blog,
i wonder,
do u read mine?
That time,
u turn away with that kind of stare,
i was wondering,
what could have possibly made us arrive this situation..
It was merely a small situation,
and ok,
u may feel that WE have insulted u,
BUT,
i dunno la..
i shdn't say im innocent,
im just guilty being in that group..
Happy?
Eesh
sometimes,
i still feel that in my class is much better,
no politics,
nothing much..
just a bit of bullshit here and there,
some ppl that would tease ppl,
but cannot be joked around..
EEsh..
Sometimes,
IF U FREAKING WANNA PLAY,
MAKE SURE IT'S 2-SIDED...
Argh..
why's so much things happening and irritating..
ARGH!!
x.x
Quan,
Jiayou,
at times,
we seek attention,
we thought we were close to someone which in fact we r not,
that's wat he(M) feels..
I think..
Just bear with it,
maybe somethings are better left unknown..
i miss home...
Btw,
heard that this fren of mine passed away,
due to accident,
0330hrs,
310809..
arh..
how fragile life can be..
Cherish..
CHERISH that's all i'm telling myself..
and i'm trying to..
yet,
taking things for granted has always come back to visit me..
I love my life,
i really do,
i love everyone that came across my life..
I love everything..
Ze Qin...
Though i dun really noe u..
At least,
we used to talk,
to joke around,
to greet each other..
Please,
RIP...
3 person i noe has gone just in this year..
how many more will come?
May blessings protect every single one i love..
Please,
i dun wanna lose any1 of u...
not now..
really...
Nic,
i still cherish u as my fren..
i'm still waiting for the time to talk to u..
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