Awesome

Awesome,
like really,
this is the 1st time i ever felt this way.
Awesome, =)
thanks to u xD

LOL,
this was once and the only time i had felt this way.
i really am speechless,
and im numb,
that's wat i feel now =)

All i could blame is myself,
whoelse?
xD
not u,
like DUH??
u r like completely,
correct.

From the start,
getting close to u,
was an epic wrong move.
thinking back,
i've so controlled ur life.
No church,
No band,
nothing else,
but juz u and me.

Today,
i understand how it feels for u,
and i understand how it feels being betrayed.

Thanks for the awesome mid nite,
that i could not sleep when i got on the next day.
which is like AWESOME to the MAX..
xD

i wonder,
all the things we had done,
u done it all with force from me.
IM SO SORRY to make u do things u nv liked.
IM SO SORRY for making u do things i like.
IM SO SORRY for fucking ur life up.

Today,
it's pay back time =)
yup,
u did an awesome job =)
ya
i appreciate it though =)

All these times,
u nv visited my blog,
u nv knew how i feel,
u nv knew who u r to me..
Today,
im telling u all here=)
in my blog.

ok,
to tell u the truth,
i felt very belong to u,
as a buddy,
i dun mind sacrificing my life for u,
tat's wat i believe,
even my life i could give,
what else could i not.
Today, i feel so dumb,
being deceived like totally..

Coz of love,
u betrayed me.
For watever i told u,
it was only meant for u,
what did u fucking do?
tell me?
u told the other person.
and thanks man,
u juz made a confirm stand to the rest of the world,
that i am ......
im really speechless,
even if i really am,
u dun need to do this.
U NOE SHE GOT A BLOODY BIG MOUTH,
U NOE SHE AND I ARE NOT IN BLOODY GOOD TERMS,
if u had fucking decided,
then go ahead,
fuck u for being so selfish and greedy,
FUCK U IDIOT
u wan both things best to u,
wat bout me?
wat bout the other person?
are u fair towards us??

yea,
u have decided,
then go ur path,
i will drift,
dun fucking let me live in hope,
wat hope u gave me ?
it's all ruined,
it's all unachivable.
wat u gave was juz false hope.
u said everything will be better
but u juz made it worse
and u noe wat?
the best thing is u FUCKING RUIN MY REPUTATION.
thanks man..

Maybe,
we are juz different world,
that couldn't be wat we promised,
it's destined,
for u to come in,
fake everything,
and fucking betray me =)
yup,
awesome,
screw my life.. xD

hmm.. best of luck please

it's been the long time since i posted,
tried to write my previous blog,
but unable to complete..

Now,
this mood is like scary,
dun fret,
miss chiew said,
but in the end,
it really matters a lot,
how to not be afraid?
even though whatever effort we put in,
the results come out may not be the thing we want,
and what if it's good?
what if it's bad?

aihz,
i really have no idea,
wat to pursue,
not mentioning where or when,
how,
whatever,
like really confusing,
and it's like omg..

what if my result really suck big time,
what if i couldn't get the uni i want,
what if i couldn't get scholarship,
so many what if,
and im so tired of it..

i really hope,
the route that is the best,
juz appear to me,
like what i've always believed,
destined,
and i shd juz folo this path im destined to go..

Please keep me strong,
no matter what it may turn out,
please keep me sane,
and keep me cheerful.
i really hope the best for everyone,
and yes, all the best.. x.x

Emo-ing? hmm..

Orientation,
Oh shit man,
i miss council term,
where we are in the lime light,
i really miss those times,
where we can really organise everything for the school population,
i wonder,
was these efforts being appreciated..
to those who benefited,
will they realise that we played a part too?
but to the dear J1s,
u need to thank ur dearest OGLs..
looking back those photos we took,
i see those smiles,
i see those bonds forming,
i see those amazing OGLs that are around,
to help to coordinate,
to help to really stick all of them within the class,
to help us build a school,
to help us build up fun...

no mood to blog le.. cont some other day..

Happy Birthday to me =)

Guess,
it's juz another year has passed,
and another step closer to death?

LOL..
anyway,
it's another usual b'day,
not much celebration,
not those i've wanted..
*erm, dun feel bad k?
juz my real thoughts*

I've been able to give surprises to my frens,
during their birthday,
coz that's what i've always wanted for myself,
sometimes,
things we wanted,
that's the push we could plan for someone else dear to us,
there's the passion,
there's the thought,
and there's the love..

Saying im fine without presents,
probably is fake,
who does not wish to have presents?
haha,
wat to do?
blame myself for the bad timings,
and wat i would love to have,
wat present i would like,
it's kinda obvious =)
but then again,
everyone's too busy to notice,
and this year,
guess it's the most pathetic of all,
1 present =s
guess,
the hardwork of this lovely present,
is the most valuable present for my twenteen birthday..

Was all alone for the entire day,
shopping,
visit to temple,
travelling around,
until i had movie with my god-siblings,
guess,
everyone's juz so busy,
guess,
it's jus a bad timing for my birthday,
wat to do?

says i enjoyed my birthday,
nah,
not really,
coz all the time was alone,
but for the last part for dinner movie and starbucks,
guess,
that's the highlight for my own birthday,
papa and mama,
also forgot i guess,
=)
a lot of my frens also forgot,
even my house mates nv notice =x
nah,
am fine with it..
im juz
borned
in
a
wrong
time
=x

anyway,
i was prepared for this birthday,
coz everyone's busy=)
nah,
am fine with it,
glad my god-siblings are around,
and glad that the small celebration occurred,
and thanks for the day =)

Happy birthday Stevenn =)

aihz

i cried,
like finally,
S.E.N.S songs are really,
touching my heart deeply,
spur out this emotions,
and i think it's better for me to cry.

thinking again,
another quiet b'day,
am i really used to it?
or i actually hope for something for my bday?
B'day has nv been important to my parents,
and they have not been a proper birthday,
coz we dun usually celebrate.
I hope to have a gathering,
to have lotz of present,
but all this are juz mere imagination and hopes.
guess,
a quiet b'day again,
guess im prepared for it..

I feel so cheated,
and i really dun feel like doing anything,
im like so so so so out of mind.
i noe i shd be strong to carry on.
im picking myself up.
worry not.
i juz hope u dun read these.

Cheated..

Maybe,
whatever that keeps pushing me has gone,
and it juz broke me twice..
i got cheated..

Aldo,
i've put in my passion,
n juz,
u told me that,
i could not get my own pair of shoes,
even if i work 6 months,
i won't be able to get the shoes..
U juz broke my momentum,
that is wat has been pushing me all the while,
and now,
it seems pointless..

And u,
i juz realise,
i got cheated,
like all the while..
maybe wat she say is true,
u came back for a reason.
even if u were to take advantage of me,
guess i juz owe u in my previous life.
i regretted asking,
i almost break down and cry,
tears are running,
and i noe it was all the past,
and i should not even ask,
and just let it kept as a beautiful memory between u and me.
Apparently,
it was one-sided,
and u juz played on,
by cheating me,
and faked to me..
guess wat?
now i understand y u didn't dare to see me..
and everything juz linked up..
im utterly upset.
and im really sad..
thanks though,
for playing the role so well..

Orientation.. The past and present..

Juz went for orientation 2010..
was not as good as it was during our batch,
complained a lot,
but i should noe that every1 has given their bestest,
so,
i shall learn to accept it,
no matter how much flaw it has,
no matter how many mistakes there are,
at least,
it is successful,
and AAR will help to really make them realise things are different..

Thinking back,
Orientation was a blast during our year,
we had this mindset,
everything is for the school..
Things maybe different now,
Weird arrangements,
and a lot of unexpected things..
We love the school,
Orientation was with objectives like,
School Bonding,
Class Bonding,
and Enjoying..
We had achieved those i believe,
and seeing this orientation,
i could only sigh..

Things happen,
people are getting so selfish,
they do things for their own,
they make things happen for their own benefit..
and many many more..
Thinking back,
we were in good terms with HE..
and now,
problems created out of tiny mini things,
juz coz of sides we took,
ended up,
we are really,
nothing but stranger..
It make me think that there are more than one reason behind it..
and i still do not understand it happened,
guess u r juz too ashamed to befren me anymore,
guess u regretted watever happened...

I always believe in equivalent trade,
being fatalistic,
yet optimistic and really,
things will be much different..
I lost u,
but i got a buddy back,
instead,
i hope this bond is forged even stronger..
Losing u,
gaining another one,
it's always a trade..
I lost things recently,
i think it's fated,
and i really am fine with it,
coz these are still things im able to buy,
im able to sacrifice,
able to regain..
i wan these important things of mine,
to really stay on with me..
i really hope,
i could really change a little bit,
at least to each and everyone in my circle of life..
I do my best,
juz to cheer things up,
juz to make everyone around me happy..
Im really doing my best already,
even if it takes my energy,
even if it makes me tired,
yet,
i will sit down and be happy that what had happened.
Guess loving what im doing is what's most important.
and i noe im loving my life,
i noe i love wat im doing,
and im putting my effort in it.
i hope everything will be fine,
and really i wish everything will be fine for everyone..

Thinking,
my birthday is coming.
I noe it's very near,
counting down it's like 8 days.
and i noe im not gonna say anything..
saying that i have no expectation is obviously fake.
coz i nv had the birthday i would love to have.
dreaming that kind of birthday ever since i was young,
and i noe this year,
it will not be achieved,
as im working..
and my birthday,
will end up in a tired working day..
nothing else..
a lot of things in my mind that i wana buy,
but then again,
i noe i shd not hope for anything,
and earn myself the money for these things,
that will be my goal while im working..
i hope things turn well
and carry on as it shd be..
i love my life..