Blog?

hmm..
seems quite a while since i blogged..
im so sorry for not updating
but then again,
i dun quite noe why i lost this blogging feeling,
and i dun feel like blogging out what i feel anymore.

Coz,
i realise,
the internet is kinda scary,
people commenting their views too openly,
which in turn,
hurt a lot of people.
Yep,
i got hurt too,
and i could not believe,
it happened.
Guess,
it's time to let go,
and it's time to stand up,
and be independent.
I still believe,
and I still respect,
tat's y,
nothing i had commented so personally,
would end up in my blog and facebook anymore.
coz,
u noe wat?
grown up people will be much rational,
and not juz spit and bitch everything they feel on internet.
not anymore,
to me.
In the end,
facebook is just a mere web to connect me with my frens.
and nothing else.

Thinking back,
i've been quite dependent lately,
probably,
it was due to my lost.
and,
it's time to be alone and stand firm,
to be independent.
dun get me wrong,
i am not discarding any relationships,
and yet,
i wanna stay firm,
confident,
and strong.
I used to be the role model,
for whom,
people look up to,
people respect,
people who talked about when they talk bout something good.
I am actually tired of that kind of life,
ever since kindergarten,
parents have been looking at me,
hoping their child would be as good as me,
then again,
dear parents,
u juz missed up their talents,
and u juz put more pressure to them.
in the end,
u will need to acknowledge ur own children's strength,
rite?
I am actually tired of being looked up to.
I was so famous back home,
almost everyone noes bout me,
yet again,
what does it bring?
fame?
LOL,
it's juz mere pressure.
I realise,
i have been living like tat for a long time.
Until,
i lost her.
then,
i crumple down,
i tried to be strong,
i tried to be firm,
i tried,
but yet,
there's too much i learned.
and there's too much to be learned.
i'm not matured enuff,
i need to be cool, calm and composed,
i need to be more rationale,
i need to be more confident.
i noe i need to,
yet,
im tired.

Those eyes that stares at me,
had decreased tremendously.
i didn't want to be the best,
and i wasn't the best though.
Im kinda tired,
and tat's y,
i have been so dependent.
After all,
JC life led me to lots of lessons in life.
What we had forged,
it's not easy.
Whatever shit we have been through,
we been through together,
tough,
yet no regrets.
=)

Thinking through my JC life,
i really did my effort,
i really have no more regret.
I doubt all this frenships will last,
but then again,
i hope they would.
my family and my home in sg,
u all will always be missed.
i could not even remember the times i said i miss 0816 and 31st,
ever since JC life ended.
I remember i even said it before JC life ends.
yup,
til today,
this point of time,
i miss all of you.
i really hope all of u will be fine,
i really hope for the best for all of you.
and i noe i will gonna miss all of you until the last breathe of my life.
i will be so proud to talk to my kids,
or even grandkids,
bout what i've been through.

Life,
so uncertain,
who knows i will juz poof tomolo?
who knows one of my dearest will juz go?
who knows what happen tomolo?
life,
so precious,
yet so fragile.
Learn,
Love,
Live.

This feeling to blog came back,
and i do miss my grandaunt.
i miss 31st,
i miss 0816,
i miss aldo staffs,
i miss my brother,
i miss all my secondary school friends.
so much changes,
yet,
so much still stay the same.
This feeling of being home,
i'm so missing it.
i realise,
i run away from problems.
i am not facing them as firm as i thought i did.
i realise,
im weak.
im so weak inside out.
im so fragile.
im so useless.

Yet,
i will still have hope
coz,
wat life brings is jus hope,
being alive,
is one great awesome thing,
aint it?
Learning bout Pandora's box,
according to greek mythology,
what was left behind when all evil stroke the world,
after this lady opened the box,
is,
HOPE.
yep,
hope,
and always live on.

The thought of changing the world is so naive.
yet,
i noe i could make a difference.
being open,
being vulnerable is who i am.
and im aware of the consequences that brings along,
yet,
im truthful.
i have nothing to regret.
and i will stay this way,
i believe,
even if i fail,
whatever i wish to change,
would juz pass from 1 person to another,
in the end,
eventhough it takes eternity,
it will still pass on,
eventually,
i believe,
this love for this world would remain.
Love,
Hope,
these are the amazing things we have,
and we should treasure them.

On the top,
i said i would not say anything i feel so openly,
that only applies to bitching.
i would really respect,
and wish i could keep what i say.
and i will still be blogging,
about myself,
about happy things,
about life.

20 years old,
and 21 is coming,
soon is 30,
then 40,
then 60
then....
i won't noe.
the thought of death is so scary.
the thought of death,
is worrying.
what will happen?
what will happen then?
life goes on for those who r still alive.
what will happen to me?
is there really heaven and hell?
and will i be seeing all my dearest?
thinking,
wat happen if it's my parents?
im gonna cry my lungs out i believe.
please.
im afraid of death.
and being alone,
makes things worse.
what will life eventually turn out?
will i have a chance to see this world again?
and many more things.
that's y,
i love my life coz it's gonna be this once,
and even if i will come back again,
i will be another person.

i love my life dearly,
and i really love what i am doing.
even stoning,
it's juz proof that im still alive.
in the end,
i need to be very strong,
and very confident.
i really need to.

Life has been treating me awesome.
and,
a lot of friends i met,
and a lot more i have yet to meet.
im cherishing all of u,
would u all please cherish all that u loved too?
life,
is really like a journey.
It will come to an end,
and the process is still the most important thing,
and whatever the outcome is,
we would have no regret.

In the end,
learn to love whatever we have.
Im learning,
and i hope u all learn this too.
Let's learn to love our lives more dearly.

Love,
Wei

Realise

Realised a lot of things.
I am an extreme person.
I am,
i knew it long ago.

I realise i love a lot of songs.
I realise a lot of feelings i could not express myself.

I realise,
I'm juz a fool,
an actor performing on the stage of life.
juz being forgotten,
after the end of the performance.
rite?

I realise,
Im tired of work.
I realise,
i'm gonna get out of my mind.
I realise,
i dun belong here.
I realise,
i miss home.
I realise,
im tired of wat im doing.
I realise,
im juz wasting my time.

Thanks keat for keep up with my blog.
I haven't been blogging for long,
coz onlining is a pain,
and it's not worth it,
as there's no point on getting on.

I miss home,
really really a lot.
Nv felt this way before.
Im tired of chasing after sales.
Im tired of sales target.
Yet,
i still need to hang on with this.
i noe,
in time,
i need to learn to accept.
tat's y im trying to learn.
to love wat i am doing.

Things have changed so much,
yet u haven't change.
yet u couldn't accept the change.
U need time,
but reality always dun allow it.
This is the mean world we r living in.

Im so sorry for those shitty days i've given.
Yet,
u will not even come here to see all these.
I noe u too well.
And things will never be the same anymore.
The lines had been drawn slowly.
and i noe i need to leave u bit by bit.
Im still living on the hopes u have given me.
but now,
im really tired.
yup,
get on with ur life.

Now,
wat i'm thinking,
it's juz to mind my own things.
im not doing perfectly well.
im struggling also with my life.
here im trying my best,
turning over,
i see ur sluggish life.
I feel disgusted.
where's the sense of urgency?
where's the sense of belonging?
where's the sense to improve?
where's the sense to learn?
where's the urgent to grow?
i see none from u.

I miss those studying days,
I miss my council life.
I miss my moments with 0816.
I miss the moments playing with u.
I miss the moments with my secondary school friends.
I miss the moments in camp
I miss the moments im at home.
I miss the moments i spent with my cousin.
I miss the moments i spent with my brother.
I miss the moments i spent with my parents.
I miss the moments i spent with my grandaunt.
I miss,
the young childish moments.

I dun wanna grow up.
The pressure i'm facing.
the responsibility that comes with greater wisdom.
the responsibility that comes with greater knowledge.
The complexity doubles when ur age increses just by 1.
The difference in life,
the meaning of life,
the changes,
and everything.
They will all juz change..

Can i juz stop and rewind?
i would like to go back to lotz of the moments.
i want to stay young.
childish,
naive
and pure.

If u think im the perfect person,
actually,
im not.
i am really not.
im stained.
im juz,
a person full of flaws.
im juz a loser.
im juz a helpless person.
im juz useless.
i ain't that strong as u think,
i ain't that disciplined as u thought,
i ain't that smart as u imagines,
i ain't that sensitive as u felt,
i ain't that good after all.
im juz a piece of useless shit.

anyway,
i am learning to stand,
i noe im now kneeling,
or maybe life flat on the ground.
it's time to stand up.
it's time to really stand up.
i dun need to rely on u.
i need to be independent.
i need to be strong.
i need to be.
coz i have to be.

If u happen to see this,
love is one greatest thing,
human can give.
care and concern from deep in the heart,
is not always hanging by ur mouth using words.
They are shown,
They can be felt,
They can be impactful.
And,
u will really learn when u lose.
All the time,
i dun wan u to come to this step,
yet,
u insisted,
so juz move on,
and fall into the trap.
I would not give u a hand this time,
STAND UP urself.
i won't be there.
coz im gonna drift away from u,
to stop this suffering.

Ultimately,
i still care.
Louis is rite.
Awesome lar u, Lou..
xD
but then again,
i need to learn,
im still so naive,
im still so weak.
i need to grow,
i need to control myself,
i need to have more confidence.
i need to.
and i have to.
coz this is my life,
it all depends on me..

Signing off,
determined,
Venn..

Awesome

Awesome,
like really,
this is the 1st time i ever felt this way.
Awesome, =)
thanks to u xD

LOL,
this was once and the only time i had felt this way.
i really am speechless,
and im numb,
that's wat i feel now =)

All i could blame is myself,
whoelse?
xD
not u,
like DUH??
u r like completely,
correct.

From the start,
getting close to u,
was an epic wrong move.
thinking back,
i've so controlled ur life.
No church,
No band,
nothing else,
but juz u and me.

Today,
i understand how it feels for u,
and i understand how it feels being betrayed.

Thanks for the awesome mid nite,
that i could not sleep when i got on the next day.
which is like AWESOME to the MAX..
xD

i wonder,
all the things we had done,
u done it all with force from me.
IM SO SORRY to make u do things u nv liked.
IM SO SORRY for making u do things i like.
IM SO SORRY for fucking ur life up.

Today,
it's pay back time =)
yup,
u did an awesome job =)
ya
i appreciate it though =)

All these times,
u nv visited my blog,
u nv knew how i feel,
u nv knew who u r to me..
Today,
im telling u all here=)
in my blog.

ok,
to tell u the truth,
i felt very belong to u,
as a buddy,
i dun mind sacrificing my life for u,
tat's wat i believe,
even my life i could give,
what else could i not.
Today, i feel so dumb,
being deceived like totally..

Coz of love,
u betrayed me.
For watever i told u,
it was only meant for u,
what did u fucking do?
tell me?
u told the other person.
and thanks man,
u juz made a confirm stand to the rest of the world,
that i am ......
im really speechless,
even if i really am,
u dun need to do this.
U NOE SHE GOT A BLOODY BIG MOUTH,
U NOE SHE AND I ARE NOT IN BLOODY GOOD TERMS,
if u had fucking decided,
then go ahead,
fuck u for being so selfish and greedy,
FUCK U IDIOT
u wan both things best to u,
wat bout me?
wat bout the other person?
are u fair towards us??

yea,
u have decided,
then go ur path,
i will drift,
dun fucking let me live in hope,
wat hope u gave me ?
it's all ruined,
it's all unachivable.
wat u gave was juz false hope.
u said everything will be better
but u juz made it worse
and u noe wat?
the best thing is u FUCKING RUIN MY REPUTATION.
thanks man..

Maybe,
we are juz different world,
that couldn't be wat we promised,
it's destined,
for u to come in,
fake everything,
and fucking betray me =)
yup,
awesome,
screw my life.. xD

hmm.. best of luck please

it's been the long time since i posted,
tried to write my previous blog,
but unable to complete..

Now,
this mood is like scary,
dun fret,
miss chiew said,
but in the end,
it really matters a lot,
how to not be afraid?
even though whatever effort we put in,
the results come out may not be the thing we want,
and what if it's good?
what if it's bad?

aihz,
i really have no idea,
wat to pursue,
not mentioning where or when,
how,
whatever,
like really confusing,
and it's like omg..

what if my result really suck big time,
what if i couldn't get the uni i want,
what if i couldn't get scholarship,
so many what if,
and im so tired of it..

i really hope,
the route that is the best,
juz appear to me,
like what i've always believed,
destined,
and i shd juz folo this path im destined to go..

Please keep me strong,
no matter what it may turn out,
please keep me sane,
and keep me cheerful.
i really hope the best for everyone,
and yes, all the best.. x.x

Emo-ing? hmm..

Orientation,
Oh shit man,
i miss council term,
where we are in the lime light,
i really miss those times,
where we can really organise everything for the school population,
i wonder,
was these efforts being appreciated..
to those who benefited,
will they realise that we played a part too?
but to the dear J1s,
u need to thank ur dearest OGLs..
looking back those photos we took,
i see those smiles,
i see those bonds forming,
i see those amazing OGLs that are around,
to help to coordinate,
to help to really stick all of them within the class,
to help us build a school,
to help us build up fun...

no mood to blog le.. cont some other day..

Happy Birthday to me =)

Guess,
it's juz another year has passed,
and another step closer to death?

LOL..
anyway,
it's another usual b'day,
not much celebration,
not those i've wanted..
*erm, dun feel bad k?
juz my real thoughts*

I've been able to give surprises to my frens,
during their birthday,
coz that's what i've always wanted for myself,
sometimes,
things we wanted,
that's the push we could plan for someone else dear to us,
there's the passion,
there's the thought,
and there's the love..

Saying im fine without presents,
probably is fake,
who does not wish to have presents?
haha,
wat to do?
blame myself for the bad timings,
and wat i would love to have,
wat present i would like,
it's kinda obvious =)
but then again,
everyone's too busy to notice,
and this year,
guess it's the most pathetic of all,
1 present =s
guess,
the hardwork of this lovely present,
is the most valuable present for my twenteen birthday..

Was all alone for the entire day,
shopping,
visit to temple,
travelling around,
until i had movie with my god-siblings,
guess,
everyone's juz so busy,
guess,
it's jus a bad timing for my birthday,
wat to do?

says i enjoyed my birthday,
nah,
not really,
coz all the time was alone,
but for the last part for dinner movie and starbucks,
guess,
that's the highlight for my own birthday,
papa and mama,
also forgot i guess,
=)
a lot of my frens also forgot,
even my house mates nv notice =x
nah,
am fine with it..
im juz
borned
in
a
wrong
time
=x

anyway,
i was prepared for this birthday,
coz everyone's busy=)
nah,
am fine with it,
glad my god-siblings are around,
and glad that the small celebration occurred,
and thanks for the day =)

Happy birthday Stevenn =)

aihz

i cried,
like finally,
S.E.N.S songs are really,
touching my heart deeply,
spur out this emotions,
and i think it's better for me to cry.

thinking again,
another quiet b'day,
am i really used to it?
or i actually hope for something for my bday?
B'day has nv been important to my parents,
and they have not been a proper birthday,
coz we dun usually celebrate.
I hope to have a gathering,
to have lotz of present,
but all this are juz mere imagination and hopes.
guess,
a quiet b'day again,
guess im prepared for it..

I feel so cheated,
and i really dun feel like doing anything,
im like so so so so out of mind.
i noe i shd be strong to carry on.
im picking myself up.
worry not.
i juz hope u dun read these.