Realise

Realised a lot of things.
I am an extreme person.
I am,
i knew it long ago.

I realise i love a lot of songs.
I realise a lot of feelings i could not express myself.

I realise,
I'm juz a fool,
an actor performing on the stage of life.
juz being forgotten,
after the end of the performance.
rite?

I realise,
Im tired of work.
I realise,
i'm gonna get out of my mind.
I realise,
i dun belong here.
I realise,
i miss home.
I realise,
im tired of wat im doing.
I realise,
im juz wasting my time.

Thanks keat for keep up with my blog.
I haven't been blogging for long,
coz onlining is a pain,
and it's not worth it,
as there's no point on getting on.

I miss home,
really really a lot.
Nv felt this way before.
Im tired of chasing after sales.
Im tired of sales target.
Yet,
i still need to hang on with this.
i noe,
in time,
i need to learn to accept.
tat's y im trying to learn.
to love wat i am doing.

Things have changed so much,
yet u haven't change.
yet u couldn't accept the change.
U need time,
but reality always dun allow it.
This is the mean world we r living in.

Im so sorry for those shitty days i've given.
Yet,
u will not even come here to see all these.
I noe u too well.
And things will never be the same anymore.
The lines had been drawn slowly.
and i noe i need to leave u bit by bit.
Im still living on the hopes u have given me.
but now,
im really tired.
yup,
get on with ur life.

Now,
wat i'm thinking,
it's juz to mind my own things.
im not doing perfectly well.
im struggling also with my life.
here im trying my best,
turning over,
i see ur sluggish life.
I feel disgusted.
where's the sense of urgency?
where's the sense of belonging?
where's the sense to improve?
where's the sense to learn?
where's the urgent to grow?
i see none from u.

I miss those studying days,
I miss my council life.
I miss my moments with 0816.
I miss the moments playing with u.
I miss the moments with my secondary school friends.
I miss the moments in camp
I miss the moments im at home.
I miss the moments i spent with my cousin.
I miss the moments i spent with my brother.
I miss the moments i spent with my parents.
I miss the moments i spent with my grandaunt.
I miss,
the young childish moments.

I dun wanna grow up.
The pressure i'm facing.
the responsibility that comes with greater wisdom.
the responsibility that comes with greater knowledge.
The complexity doubles when ur age increses just by 1.
The difference in life,
the meaning of life,
the changes,
and everything.
They will all juz change..

Can i juz stop and rewind?
i would like to go back to lotz of the moments.
i want to stay young.
childish,
naive
and pure.

If u think im the perfect person,
actually,
im not.
i am really not.
im stained.
im juz,
a person full of flaws.
im juz a loser.
im juz a helpless person.
im juz useless.
i ain't that strong as u think,
i ain't that disciplined as u thought,
i ain't that smart as u imagines,
i ain't that sensitive as u felt,
i ain't that good after all.
im juz a piece of useless shit.

anyway,
i am learning to stand,
i noe im now kneeling,
or maybe life flat on the ground.
it's time to stand up.
it's time to really stand up.
i dun need to rely on u.
i need to be independent.
i need to be strong.
i need to be.
coz i have to be.

If u happen to see this,
love is one greatest thing,
human can give.
care and concern from deep in the heart,
is not always hanging by ur mouth using words.
They are shown,
They can be felt,
They can be impactful.
And,
u will really learn when u lose.
All the time,
i dun wan u to come to this step,
yet,
u insisted,
so juz move on,
and fall into the trap.
I would not give u a hand this time,
STAND UP urself.
i won't be there.
coz im gonna drift away from u,
to stop this suffering.

Ultimately,
i still care.
Louis is rite.
Awesome lar u, Lou..
xD
but then again,
i need to learn,
im still so naive,
im still so weak.
i need to grow,
i need to control myself,
i need to have more confidence.
i need to.
and i have to.
coz this is my life,
it all depends on me..

Signing off,
determined,
Venn..