What makes a human human?
LOL,
emotions..
=)
and i'm aware that i'm very emotional..
hmm..
Kristle's grandpa passed away,
and i saw her so sad,
and i couldn't help her..
i wanted to comfort her,
i wanted to talk to her,
of how i really experienced mine,
but i think it's too early..
becoz of that,
i realise i'm very lucky and blessed to have my grandaunt,
even though she has left me,
even though it has been 4 years,
it's still significantly affecting me..
From then on,
i learnt to love those i love so much so that they noe,
i want them to noe i love them..
i want to be there for them,
and i want to give them the best i could..
I learnt that,
family is such a great support that i have neglected since so long,
and finally,
i realise,
i miss home..
Home,
for wat it is,
being a flat, condo, or bungalow,
it doesn't matter anymore,
it matters when who's inside,
who's waiting for u to come home no matter how late it is,
who's worried for u,
who's really there to care for u,
and they are none other than my family..
I'm sorry to be so ignorant,
but it's never too late,
i love my home,
i love,
i miss,
and i really do,
for everything that happens,
home is still a place i won't get rejected..
i miss home..
=(
Monday, August 10
From LJ..
Mood: being loved =)
"Dear Stevenn,
It had been a great pleasure knowing you for 1 year, 7 months and 22 days.
Eventhough we seldom talk much, but when we do, it was always filled with topics that tickles me =)
Hope that you'll enjoy some Sarawak specialties I've brough along.
LJ 08 08 09"
OMG,
was kinda shock,
and was kinda touched..
Sometimes,
those who u never really thought of,
gives so much love even in such small notes and small gifts..
It was just basically a few Pepper sweets,
then,
it just warmed my heart.. =)
Thanks LJ,
You just brighten up my night,
when i am so stressed with so many things..
Thanks again.. =)
"Dear Stevenn,
It had been a great pleasure knowing you for 1 year, 7 months and 22 days.
Eventhough we seldom talk much, but when we do, it was always filled with topics that tickles me =)
Hope that you'll enjoy some Sarawak specialties I've brough along.
LJ 08 08 09"
OMG,
was kinda shock,
and was kinda touched..
Sometimes,
those who u never really thought of,
gives so much love even in such small notes and small gifts..
It was just basically a few Pepper sweets,
then,
it just warmed my heart.. =)
Thanks LJ,
You just brighten up my night,
when i am so stressed with so many things..
Thanks again.. =)
Sunday, August 9
Hm..
Mood: heart ache.. helpless..
I've told Quan not to get involved in SC stuff anymore,
maybe i just can't totally get out of it,
and now,
i'm making myself very worried bout things i shouldn't be..
i should noe that i've stepped down,
and i should noe that i need to focus in my studies,
after all,
this is a one-way ticket,
i have no other choices but to carry on,
i cannot choose to U-turn,
it would mean a lot of money for my studies..
i should concentrate and focus..
i noe i need to,
but it's hard..
i was deleting messages this afternoon,
it was like 1600+ msgs in my phone's inbox..
i cannot select all and delete,
thus i need to manually delete one-by-one..
and in fact,
it's tiring..
and i read thru those msgs before i delete,
some funny stuffs i sms-ed my frens came back,
those memories,
it just came back..
even if the lamest sms,
it still made me smile..
it's been quite a while since i talk to u..
i'm scared,
coz i dun noe wat u thinking..
and apparently a lot of things cocked up..
i dunno what i should do,
and maybe thinking i'm taking sides..
i heard from both sides,
and i really dunno wat to do..
coz u r still my buddy,
i can't ask u not to get angry,
and i can't really help to solve it,
and now,
it's just making things worse..
and i really hope,
after all,
our frenship will remain..
that's all i really hope,
and that's wat i am praying so hard now..
i'm affected,
and i noe,
it's unavoidable..
i'm sorry if i had in a way or other hurt u,
sorry..
I hope i would be able to drink some alcohol,
to take away all those stress..
i didn't noe how to react,
and i really need alcohol..
Cheers..!!!
I've told Quan not to get involved in SC stuff anymore,
maybe i just can't totally get out of it,
and now,
i'm making myself very worried bout things i shouldn't be..
i should noe that i've stepped down,
and i should noe that i need to focus in my studies,
after all,
this is a one-way ticket,
i have no other choices but to carry on,
i cannot choose to U-turn,
it would mean a lot of money for my studies..
i should concentrate and focus..
i noe i need to,
but it's hard..
i was deleting messages this afternoon,
it was like 1600+ msgs in my phone's inbox..
i cannot select all and delete,
thus i need to manually delete one-by-one..
and in fact,
it's tiring..
and i read thru those msgs before i delete,
some funny stuffs i sms-ed my frens came back,
those memories,
it just came back..
even if the lamest sms,
it still made me smile..
it's been quite a while since i talk to u..
i'm scared,
coz i dun noe wat u thinking..
and apparently a lot of things cocked up..
i dunno what i should do,
and maybe thinking i'm taking sides..
i heard from both sides,
and i really dunno wat to do..
coz u r still my buddy,
i can't ask u not to get angry,
and i can't really help to solve it,
and now,
it's just making things worse..
and i really hope,
after all,
our frenship will remain..
that's all i really hope,
and that's wat i am praying so hard now..
i'm affected,
and i noe,
it's unavoidable..
i'm sorry if i had in a way or other hurt u,
sorry..
I hope i would be able to drink some alcohol,
to take away all those stress..
i didn't noe how to react,
and i really need alcohol..
Cheers..!!!
Friday, August 7
National Day Celebration =)
Mood: AWESOMENESS, Thoughts...
Today is a wonderful day,
i wonder how's everyone feeling,
such nice day,
sports event,
4 X 100m,
Movie,
and Dinner!!!
OMG the dinner at Eddie's place is wonderful..
like OMG..
her mum prepared dinner for 15 of us,
like 5 dishes,
which was so darn delicious,
i really love home-cooked food man !!!
we had lotz of fun with the drum set + guitar + mic,
bridge,
which i have missed it so much,
and i get to play..
OMG,
i love outings with my class..
i really do..
and i'm very glad,
that our class bond together so strongly..
=)
A few learning points i got today..
1) Never be egoistic..
coz u r not always the best..
sometimes,
u think u r good enough,
but then again,
u are involved,
u will never noe wat's going on in the big picture,
onli those who r outside of would see it..
Then again,
sometimes,
we need to accept views from others,
coz that's when we learn,
and when we will improve..
if u were to reject it like a naive child,
u will tend to let this opportunity to get better slips off
Sometimes being humble will not kill u,
but it would make u respected,
then again,
"sorry" is always the hardest thing to say..
i wonder,
would i be like this?
i think i've become so matured,
is due to Student council,
where we do not have the chance to whine,
but among ourselves,
sometimes,
whining shall keep among a particular group,
if not,
it would worsen a situation...
In student council,
every little thing we say,
every little comment we have,
it affects our image,
and i wonder,
how bad this would be,
when someones comment so loudly in the crowd,
where they are not even planning the PERFECT event,
which is impossible to be..
So i think,
i will learn,
and somehow,
listen to others first,
before i could get on,
or defend my own stand..
=)
2) Appreciate those who r with u..
I wonder what would happen to us after like 10 years..
Like the class i'm in,
like my frens back in msia..
and a lot more stuff,
they would be unknown..
Kristle,
i'm sorry to hear that ur Grandpa has just passed away,
i knew how it feel..
i hope u are ok Kristle,
i'm sorry for being insensitive,
but u must noe tat we are all there with u..
do tell us when u need a listening ear,
do tell us when u need help..
we are one 0816,
one class,
one family..
Losing someone is not easy,
Getting over it is worse,
Learning something from it is worst...
Jiayou Kristle..
人云亦云，
或曰好，
或曰欠佳。
子无体验，
且见区区小况,
憨以小人之腹，
纳收欠佳之语，
皆气至怒发冲冠。
吾因此，
深心痛疼。
子何故，
况无何重，
尔且耿于怀。
吾，子俩，
犹叩头亦结拜兄弟。
莫说经荆棘，
此鸡毛蒜皮亦闹得天翻地覆。
无须称何海枯石烂之约，
吾已不知所措，
子逼吾至此况，
且恼，且恨。
吾亦无罪，
且助于清其况，
子却怪罪吾。
听其二方之言，
吾结此为误，
二方亦错，
尔且撑他立场，
闭耳，
非听另方，
更气其方。
吾无可奈何，
狗咬吕洞宾，
不是好人心。
子撑子人，
亦无所解其况
更为其事大发雷霆，
何以必？
二方若起闹，
子亦乐乎？
若双亦苦，
尔又何为乐？
可悲，
子之度，
非之君子之为也！
吾为此心疼，
不解，
惑之其中。
Today is a wonderful day,
i wonder how's everyone feeling,
such nice day,
sports event,
4 X 100m,
Movie,
and Dinner!!!
OMG the dinner at Eddie's place is wonderful..
like OMG..
her mum prepared dinner for 15 of us,
like 5 dishes,
which was so darn delicious,
i really love home-cooked food man !!!
we had lotz of fun with the drum set + guitar + mic,
bridge,
which i have missed it so much,
and i get to play..
OMG,
i love outings with my class..
i really do..
and i'm very glad,
that our class bond together so strongly..
=)
A few learning points i got today..
1) Never be egoistic..
coz u r not always the best..
sometimes,
u think u r good enough,
but then again,
u are involved,
u will never noe wat's going on in the big picture,
onli those who r outside of would see it..
Then again,
sometimes,
we need to accept views from others,
coz that's when we learn,
and when we will improve..
if u were to reject it like a naive child,
u will tend to let this opportunity to get better slips off
Sometimes being humble will not kill u,
but it would make u respected,
then again,
"sorry" is always the hardest thing to say..
i wonder,
would i be like this?
i think i've become so matured,
is due to Student council,
where we do not have the chance to whine,
but among ourselves,
sometimes,
whining shall keep among a particular group,
if not,
it would worsen a situation...
In student council,
every little thing we say,
every little comment we have,
it affects our image,
and i wonder,
how bad this would be,
when someones comment so loudly in the crowd,
where they are not even planning the PERFECT event,
which is impossible to be..
So i think,
i will learn,
and somehow,
listen to others first,
before i could get on,
or defend my own stand..
=)
2) Appreciate those who r with u..
I wonder what would happen to us after like 10 years..
Like the class i'm in,
like my frens back in msia..
and a lot more stuff,
they would be unknown..
Kristle,
i'm sorry to hear that ur Grandpa has just passed away,
i knew how it feel..
i hope u are ok Kristle,
i'm sorry for being insensitive,
but u must noe tat we are all there with u..
do tell us when u need a listening ear,
do tell us when u need help..
we are one 0816,
one class,
one family..
Losing someone is not easy,
Getting over it is worse,
Learning something from it is worst...
Jiayou Kristle..
人云亦云，
或曰好，
或曰欠佳。
子无体验，
且见区区小况,
憨以小人之腹，
纳收欠佳之语，
皆气至怒发冲冠。
吾因此，
深心痛疼。
子何故，
况无何重，
尔且耿于怀。
吾，子俩，
犹叩头亦结拜兄弟。
莫说经荆棘，
此鸡毛蒜皮亦闹得天翻地覆。
无须称何海枯石烂之约，
吾已不知所措，
子逼吾至此况，
且恼，且恨。
吾亦无罪，
且助于清其况，
子却怪罪吾。
听其二方之言，
吾结此为误，
二方亦错，
尔且撑他立场，
闭耳，
非听另方，
更气其方。
吾无可奈何，
狗咬吕洞宾，
不是好人心。
子撑子人，
亦无所解其况
更为其事大发雷霆，
何以必？
二方若起闹，
子亦乐乎？
若双亦苦，
尔又何为乐？
可悲，
子之度，
非之君子之为也！
吾为此心疼，
不解，
惑之其中。
=)
Mood: contented... Emo...
woke up like 1am plus,
maybe coz i'm hungry =x
anyway,
was a very nice day today,
even though at first i was filled with worries..
then again,
i was prepared to face it..
i realise,
i misses home..
home-cooked food,
suddenly,
it reminds me of kor poh, mummy and daddy..
who always take care of my meal..
sometimes,
i miss home,
but,
wat more can i do?
it's quite lonely here,
like deep inside,
there's always this black hole that devour me,
mostly during my saddest moment,
and i noe a lot of my frens are beside,
to be there for me..
but yup,
i'm sorry if i'm still feeling like tat,
coz i couldn't help it..
it just affects me so much..
coz i miss home..
thanks eddie,
for bringing food to school..
i really appreciate it a lot,
class sharing,
class laughter,
class bonding..
and of coz,
reminds me of home..
it seems like those are the few times i ate home cooked food,
from a Singaporean friend,
even though Louis has invited me once,
and i had it at Nic's place..
and these food just bring so much memories,
i misses a lot of things,
people,
moments...
I wonder how's kor poh,
where have u been..
and i nv ever see u any more in my life..
the image of u,
is fading away..
is it a good thing?
i dun think so..
i miss u a lot..
i really do..
i miss the moments i kiss u on ur cheek,
and u caress my forehead until i go to sleep..
i miss the moments u gave me money,
and of coz those moments u nag at me..
i miss all the hugs u gave me,
sense of touch,
and all the love u gave me..
it's been 5 years..
and the day u left us,
was sometime around this year..
i still remember that sight u lie on ur bed,
i was hoping u to breathe once again,
i really do...
i regretted,
for not showing u how much i love u..
i'm so sorry..
i hope u noe,
i love u forever and always..
and time,
pls do not erase these memories of me and kor poh..
pls dun take away that last image i have on her..
Sometimes,
i think i take things for granted..
i dunno how to appreciate it..
Danny,
who once accompany me to Clarke Quay for chats,
has now gone back to Hong Kong..
how could this be?
i miss him so much,
miss those moments we booze,
those moments we bullshit,
and those moments of company..
=)
Happy Birthday my dear Brother!!
=)
Thanks HuiQuan for the ice-cream..
like it has been quite a while since we had ice-cream,
think it was during the exam period when our moods flung like hell..
then again,
these are the moments we shared,
and i really love this moments..
thanks for bringing smiles into my life,
and grace my life as u walk through it..
thanks..
I now learnt that people are reading my blog..
especially my close frens..
i'm sorry if i out-poured too much emotions,
but then again,
for u to read my blog,
u r already my close friends.
sometimes,
i think i gave the link,
but i don't expect u to read,
yet,
i noe,
u r reading..
sorry..
woke up like 1am plus,
maybe coz i'm hungry =x
anyway,
was a very nice day today,
even though at first i was filled with worries..
then again,
i was prepared to face it..
i realise,
i misses home..
home-cooked food,
suddenly,
it reminds me of kor poh, mummy and daddy..
who always take care of my meal..
sometimes,
i miss home,
but,
wat more can i do?
it's quite lonely here,
like deep inside,
there's always this black hole that devour me,
mostly during my saddest moment,
and i noe a lot of my frens are beside,
to be there for me..
but yup,
i'm sorry if i'm still feeling like tat,
coz i couldn't help it..
it just affects me so much..
coz i miss home..
thanks eddie,
for bringing food to school..
i really appreciate it a lot,
class sharing,
class laughter,
class bonding..
and of coz,
reminds me of home..
it seems like those are the few times i ate home cooked food,
from a Singaporean friend,
even though Louis has invited me once,
and i had it at Nic's place..
and these food just bring so much memories,
i misses a lot of things,
people,
moments...
I wonder how's kor poh,
where have u been..
and i nv ever see u any more in my life..
the image of u,
is fading away..
is it a good thing?
i dun think so..
i miss u a lot..
i really do..
i miss the moments i kiss u on ur cheek,
and u caress my forehead until i go to sleep..
i miss the moments u gave me money,
and of coz those moments u nag at me..
i miss all the hugs u gave me,
sense of touch,
and all the love u gave me..
it's been 5 years..
and the day u left us,
was sometime around this year..
i still remember that sight u lie on ur bed,
i was hoping u to breathe once again,
i really do...
i regretted,
for not showing u how much i love u..
i'm so sorry..
i hope u noe,
i love u forever and always..
and time,
pls do not erase these memories of me and kor poh..
pls dun take away that last image i have on her..
Sometimes,
i think i take things for granted..
i dunno how to appreciate it..
Danny,
who once accompany me to Clarke Quay for chats,
has now gone back to Hong Kong..
how could this be?
i miss him so much,
miss those moments we booze,
those moments we bullshit,
and those moments of company..
=)
Happy Birthday my dear Brother!!
=)
Thanks HuiQuan for the ice-cream..
like it has been quite a while since we had ice-cream,
think it was during the exam period when our moods flung like hell..
then again,
these are the moments we shared,
and i really love this moments..
thanks for bringing smiles into my life,
and grace my life as u walk through it..
thanks..
I now learnt that people are reading my blog..
especially my close frens..
i'm sorry if i out-poured too much emotions,
but then again,
for u to read my blog,
u r already my close friends.
sometimes,
i think i gave the link,
but i don't expect u to read,
yet,
i noe,
u r reading..
sorry..
Tuesday, August 4
Regret
Mood: disappointment and regretful.
Did something freaking bad,
yup,
and was like regret till the max..
i just dunno y i have the urge to do that,
but then again,
mayb coz of stress and stuff.
I'm sorry..
i really am..
and when u talked to me,
i realised a lot of things,
and u shot me down one and all..
i noe i wasn't having the capability to prove to u i'm much better,
but i'm trying..
i am sorry i couldn't,
and we couldn't,
sorry..
we weren't irresponsible,
we saw u coming in,
we walked towards u to talk to u,
yet,
u said we were irresponsible,
which was quite hurting,
we were ready to face the music,
we knew that will be the consequences,
we knew that would happen,
yet,
we believe that if we did it on our own,
it would be much better..
i'm sorry..
It's just disappointment to u,
and it is to myself too..
i realise how much effort u all put in and i didn't acknowledge it..
i was so hurt to hear that,
totally,
i felt guilty with nothing else to say..
Sorry..
Did something freaking bad,
yup,
and was like regret till the max..
i just dunno y i have the urge to do that,
but then again,
mayb coz of stress and stuff.
I'm sorry..
i really am..
and when u talked to me,
i realised a lot of things,
and u shot me down one and all..
i noe i wasn't having the capability to prove to u i'm much better,
but i'm trying..
i am sorry i couldn't,
and we couldn't,
sorry..
we weren't irresponsible,
we saw u coming in,
we walked towards u to talk to u,
yet,
u said we were irresponsible,
which was quite hurting,
we were ready to face the music,
we knew that will be the consequences,
we knew that would happen,
yet,
we believe that if we did it on our own,
it would be much better..
i'm sorry..
It's just disappointment to u,
and it is to myself too..
i realise how much effort u all put in and i didn't acknowledge it..
i was so hurt to hear that,
totally,
i felt guilty with nothing else to say..
Sorry..
Sunday, August 2
Cheated or Rejected?
Mood: Confused, Upset..
Sometimes,
if u would need to tell me frankly u r avoiding me,
it would mean so much clearer for me to react..
i'm so sorry if i had made u feel so afraid of me
maybe due to my frankness or my sudden attachment to u..
but yup,
u still mean alot to me..
coz u r my buddy..
i find it one-sided,
coz i always need u,
but i wasn't needed at all..
true,
frenship weren't an equivalent trade,
but then again,
i felt i'm a burden to u.
i felt like i'm haunting u,
like i can't do much to help u,
and this has lead on to a distance between us..
i've always tried to walk nearer to u,
but it seems u r so much further away..
i was fast in running,
but i need time to pull hearts together..
i'm so sorry if u felt so disgusted of me,
or maybe tired of me..
but could u really show some clear indication?
u rejected me to go out together,
yet,
u r going out with some other friends..
i didn't wanna question bout this frankness..
i dun need to,
i noe i should believe u,
but the fact is u r rejecting me..
I wonder which is true,
am i cheated or am i rejected..
if it really would turn to hatred,
i would rather stay away..
however i just wanna tell u that,
u r one of my most important friends in my JC life,
i could count within my 10 fingers,
and u r one of them..
I treasure u,
and i really love u,
my buddy..
I hope to really meet up to talk to u again..
i really miss those moments,
and i would not wanna haunt u
or even sms u,
or even start a convo anymore,
coz i no longer noe what u r thinking anymore..
hope we remember the promise,
that we would try to keep in touch,
and keep this frenship as long as possible..
Best Friends Forever..
i hope..
Sometimes,
if u would need to tell me frankly u r avoiding me,
it would mean so much clearer for me to react..
i'm so sorry if i had made u feel so afraid of me
maybe due to my frankness or my sudden attachment to u..
but yup,
u still mean alot to me..
coz u r my buddy..
i find it one-sided,
coz i always need u,
but i wasn't needed at all..
true,
frenship weren't an equivalent trade,
but then again,
i felt i'm a burden to u.
i felt like i'm haunting u,
like i can't do much to help u,
and this has lead on to a distance between us..
i've always tried to walk nearer to u,
but it seems u r so much further away..
i was fast in running,
but i need time to pull hearts together..
i'm so sorry if u felt so disgusted of me,
or maybe tired of me..
but could u really show some clear indication?
u rejected me to go out together,
yet,
u r going out with some other friends..
i didn't wanna question bout this frankness..
i dun need to,
i noe i should believe u,
but the fact is u r rejecting me..
I wonder which is true,
am i cheated or am i rejected..
if it really would turn to hatred,
i would rather stay away..
however i just wanna tell u that,
u r one of my most important friends in my JC life,
i could count within my 10 fingers,
and u r one of them..
I treasure u,
and i really love u,
my buddy..
I hope to really meet up to talk to u again..
i really miss those moments,
and i would not wanna haunt u
or even sms u,
or even start a convo anymore,
coz i no longer noe what u r thinking anymore..
hope we remember the promise,
that we would try to keep in touch,
and keep this frenship as long as possible..
Best Friends Forever..
i hope..
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