Wateva

I never feel comfotable with u in silence,
With ur ego,
That u already know,
And u r annoyingly doing nothing bout it.

Has been emo,
for the past few months?

LOL
all coz of my own naivety.

Hall
Friends
Work
School
Grades
Studies
CCA
IHG
IHRG

am glad that my family isnt a problem at all
felt so speechless that i dun even feel like blogging anymore

My 21 Resolutions

1. Drink more water.
2. Take care of my teeth.
3. Take care of my skin.
4. Play less computer games
5. Play more sports (squash, table tennis, track and field)
6. Learn ocarina
7. Play scrabble
8. Study hard
9. Apheresis
10. Build up my body (six packs)
11. Spend less
12. Less excuses
13. Complain less
14. Expect less
15. Reflect more
16. Be more appreciative, do not take things for granted.
17. Love what i am doing
18. Love those whom i love dearly even more
19. hug and express to those i love even more.
20. Be happy.
21. Love myself.

The Art of Letting Go

I realise letting go is an art.
An art to master.
Let go,
short as it may seem,
yet,
many has seen it a long way to learn..
Indeed,
it is hard,
to let go in various ways.

Letting go anger.
Letting go chances.
Letting go loved ones - for them to learn on their own.
Letting go those whom you cherished.
Letting go yourself.

Letting go anger.
Guess,
among all,
i believe it's the simplest.
It is more of anger,
It is more of the feeling of couldnt get over something,
It is more of the feeling of being a failure.
Most of it,
it happens when we compare ourselves to others,
when we see ourselves being treated unfairly,
when we see ourselves do not get what we deserved.
Guess what,
world is fair,
or un-fair,
depend on how you see it.
Unfair 'cause u didn't get what you want.
Fair 'cause it wasn't meant to be yours from the start.

Letting go chances,
we always frowned and cursed over the chances we missed.
Maybe,
it is just not for you.
Maybe,
there's just another better path for you awaits you.
Maybe,
it's just destined.
Let the opportunity goes,
but do not sit and lay back,
and wait for destiny's arrangements.
At the very least,
Fight for what you believe,
then,
you would not regret over what you would have done.

Letting go loved ones so as for them to grow.
Apparently,
this happen mostly to parents,
or siblings,
and minority between friends.
We always see it hard to let go of them,
'cause they mean too much to us,
'cause we love them too much.
We don't wanna see them stumble on their life,
We try to provide every single effort we could,
so as to smooth-en their path or journey.
We give advice on various important things,
yet,
they are mostly forgotten and unappreciated.
We always cover and protect them,
in the end,
they just hurt us.
And it is very hard for others to get over it,
as we always want to see the bad results,
to prove them wrong for their choice,
to prove yourself correct in the first place,
to prove them silly for not listening to you.
Yet,
Does it matter?
From those experience,
If they learnt something from it,
wouldnt it be better?

Letting go whom you cherished.
It is hard for your beloved one to leave you.
It is hard to see them leave you.
It is hard to replace that empty space that is left there in the heart.
'Cause,
it could never be replaced.
And it would be hollow for that space,
Forever.
Letting go,
would never be easy in this case.
We always love the past,
love the moments we shared with our loved ones,
love the comfort zone while we were in with our loved ones.
When they leave,
we feel lost,
insecure,
and weak.
If they leave you for eternity,
it would even be harder to let go,
'cause we would never be able to seek that comfort anymore.
And we try to keep those bits and pieces together,
we try to keep those memories together,
we try to remember their faces,
but time mercilessly snatch those from us,
leaving us faded,
blur memories......

Lastly,
Letting yourself go.
We are always bound by the responsibility in this society.
Sometimes,
we could not breathe,
we are so stressed up that we are angst,
we get annoyed easily,
we get angry,
and we lost our rational,
creating more harm.
Take some time off,
slow your pace,
slow yourself down.
Let yourself let go.
Let yourself go.
Let yourself leave the routine for the moment.
Breathe.
Rest.
And then pick up.
And strive hard again.
We are always trapped in the world's routine,
we always forgot to slow down our pace,
to look at the surroundings,
to feel the breeze,
to feel the love from our beloved,
to feel the release of stress,
to feel the time as yours,
to feel your own breath.
Slowing down our pace,
we are able to clearly observe,
what's happening,
every single bit,
of nature,
of emotions,
of the world.

stressing up?

Guess,
things have been building up,
and i think you won't probably pop by any time soon =)
and exams are making u so weak,
and same here.

Things are still like tat,
im juz very stressed up.
Yes,
i always have my brave-front,
yet,
i noe,
u noe wat's running inside.

Frens,
feels like,
drifting away.
Im not sure wat to expect.
Nothing's happening,
nothing's moving.
Guess,
it's juz drifting.
No matter how much i hold it dearly,
it would still,
drift,
coz the other end,
it's a loose-grip.

Getting close to darling,
yet,
i noe,
we would the extend of juz friends.
I doubt we would eventually b super close,
coz,
he's way too pragmatic,
and,
im expecting,
we would drift,
juz due to different classes we would eventually attend.
Yeap,
am feeling good with him,
at least,
there's some1 i can really joke with,
spend time for breakfasts,
styling hair,
and so forth,
yea,
we are quite close,
n i noe,
we wouldnt reach the extend,
that we could eventually hug,
or heart-to-heart talk,
coz,
he's reserved,
bout himself.
and that would be the barrier.

And,
i realise,
my EQ,
dropped,
coz,
maybe,
im juz too stressed.
Or as HQ had said,
Accounting has made me so realistic,
and,
am i really the person,
who wanna do what i want?
Guess,
im still happy with what i have now,
juz tat,
im kinda stressed out,
and of coz,
lonely.
and i lost and missed human touch.

Tests,
CGPA,
arh,
all these are juz,
annoying.
3.5
how the hell am i gonna keep it==
like,
aihz,
nvm,
guess wat choice do i have left with?
nothing,
but juz work hard for it.

Tired,
Insomnia,
Restless,
Mundane,
Lonely,
and
Aimless

The Change

Guess,
lots of changes have been occurring,
lots of losses,
lots of gains.
lots of starts,
lots of ends.
lots of cries,
lots of smiles.
lots of learning,
lots of teaching.

Guess,
this world is cool,
awesome,
and amazing.
Things come n go for reasons we won't really noe.
Yet,
arrangements are made so flawless.
I could not doubt,
and I would not go into any investigation,
of how
or why,
things happen for these ways.

Yes,
coz i truly believe,
in equivalent trade,
i believe in karma,
i believe in fate,
and i believe in wat's happening now is more important.
and i really dun wanna live in the past any more.

I want to live,
the way i want to live,
holding on to those i cherish so much,
holding on to pieces of torn memories,
holding on to those i just started learning to love,
holding on to those tiny meaningful acts,
holding on to those too-hard-to-achieve principle,
holding on to those who really cherish me,
holding on to those i love so dearly.

Accepted or rejected,
loved or hated,
i am who i am,
and im unique in my way =)

Thoughts

Sometimes,
i feel tat im strong,
but i noe i am not,
Im not perfect,
but i keep trying.
I noe im weak inside,
sometimes i juz wonder
how am i gonna survive in this world.
Sometimes,
i feel im so weak deep inside,
i feel all kinds of feeling towards others.
i feel pity, sympathy,
i feel helpless,
and i feel uselss.

Twitter,
has made me gone mad,
i realise i love doing wat i like to do.
i do it for the sake to complete it,
i didnt really love twitter.
It was cool,
but when stress comes along,
guess,
it's natural for everyone to repel them.
sometimes,
i wonder will i survive with this mindset.
I think im juz too hopeful for this world,
am i not?
sometimes,
people are juz being realistic with what life brings about.
Heard bout course mates not attached to the parents even when they are the only child,
so,
wat's gonna happen next?
when they get married,
wat will happen to the parents?
sometimes,
i juz dun understand.
How can child nt attached to parents?
i juz dunno
a lot of thoughts are running.
Though i had a quite unpleasant hols at home,
yet,
i still miss home,
i miss mummy daddy n kor kor.
I miss kor poh.
i miss home.
i hope to rewind
go back
to when i was naive,
when i dun think so much,
when im juz the innocent noob back then.
I heard that people who misses home are matured,
I really wonder why am i so matured,
why am i so selfless,
sometimes,
i feel more bout others than my own,
y can't i be selfish,
am i born this way?
sometimes,
i hate myself,
but wat can i really do?
arh,
im juz,
lost.

Doing twitter,
i still hope tat u r there.
they talked bout u,
the promised u made,
yes,
it's still imprinted in our memory,
u will be there for us.
i noe it's kinda unfair if we hold u back,
yet it is unfair at ur part to leave us like tat.
mayb it's juz me,
maybe it's juz me alone,
coz who the heck ask me to get so attached to u.
It juz made u forcefully need to noe me more,
and i believe it's unfair on this part.
To start of,
u are not even close to me at all,
y bother?
really,
juz tell me off,
lemme pain for a moment,
and that's it..
why are u giving me hope in this frenship?

and here comes the thought of rud,
i really couldnt remember ur birthday,
but i found out,
21st Oct.
Im so sorry,
i guess,
i am not important to u anymore,
guess,
ur birthdays,
i wouldnt even exist in the slight corner of ur mind.
How could i juz not bother?
think of those days that we were bloody damn closed,
yet,
tears rolling down coz of the fragment of this frenship.
i wonder it still exist.
sometimes,
im so proud to tell others bout u,
and in the end,
it seems,
imma banging myself into a wall.
and yea,
ended up,
i get hurt when i talk bout u.
still,
i think of u here and then..
moments when we ate instant noodle,
moments i screamed at u for laundry,
moments i iron uniform for us,
moments that we spend out,
moments we spent at chinatown searching for mooncake,
moments we slept together,
moments of buddy hug,
moments of sense of belonging.
now,
it's moments of nothing.

I wasnt really ok actually,
guess i wont be any better till i really get a close fren.
i wonder,
why do i have frens named eric,
and leave me after that.
if u r not meant to stay,
please dun come,
it will hurt me more.
I noe u come for a reason,
to settle me in a new environment?
im so sorry to say,
eric matthew capel,
it was too short the time for me to be able to forge this frenship,
and now,
we r mere strangers.
Eric ma,
im afraid the same thing is juz gonna happen.
guess,
it's jus an imba frenship,
u shd stop giving me hope if there isnt anything to start of with.
and please,
im so tired of breaking walls down,
and being so opened all the time.
im tired of reading people,
im tired of reading emotions,
im tired of observing,
why the hell im burdened by this gift?
tell me,
would u?

come to think of it,
im tired of starting anew,
but life's always new,
y?
thoughts of death,
thoughts of life,
keep rushing to me,
wat's next?
thoughts of seeing our beloved ones in coffin,
im fearful,
i really am,
i dun wanna imagine,
but it keeps coming,
i cant imagine myself in it too.
wat will happen next?

Being perfect?
i noe i'll nv be,
im juz being myself,
i wanna be more selfish,
but yet,
it juz doesnt run in my blood,
y?
why am i this way?
Fated?
but y is it fated this way?

i juz miss a lot of people,
a lot of places,
a lot of moments...