Reflections

Sometimes,
i have just too much thoughts.
I couldnt possibly put everything down into words.

The other day,
went out with Teck Cheong,
had a long time talk,
and finally,
he has opened up to me.

It's a give n take,
equivalent take.
"if u give some1 present,
wat do u get?"
i answered,
"stronger bonds"

Isnt life juz amazing?
Think of it,
wat u r having now,
wat u r doing now,
isnt everything juz plain coincidence?
isnt everything juz plain arrangement?
isnt all these juz fate?

I always believe,
who i met,
wat i do,
wat i will meet
and watever it is in life,
it's juz arranged,
and it's juz amazingly
arranged.

It has been a lot of thoughts recently.
From class outing,
i realise,
i really love my class.
and that leads to me realising,
i really could give wateva i could to those i really love.
Ben n Jerry the other day,
with the class,
though i spent 40 odd bucks
for the 4 pints ice-cream,
what i've exchanged is the smiles from my classmates
and even if they want to pay me back the money,
i rejected.
coz i noe,
money is not the only thing that matters in life.
Now,
i understand,
y juz a smile,
everything changes.
i believe,
evelyn loved the ice-cream,
i believe all of us did,
and i believe,
we all love each other.

Talking bout money,
mum has been haunting me,
poisoning me the importance of money.
True,
this world is really realistic,
no money,
we can do no shit,
yet,
even with money,
will we be able to have truthful friends?
will we be able to have promised health?
will we be able to ensure happiness in our life?
that's y,
i noe and i learnt,
tat money
is juz a tool in this world,
from the devil.
money,
is juz the root of all evil,
if we,
could not possibly be rational,
things will juz go hair-wired

Talking to Teck Cheong,
he has struck me with the mindset of comparison.
Compare,
aint it tiring?
isn't it tired being compared with?
isn't it tired comparing urself with others?
i realise,
lots of my frens have been using me as a gauge.
uses me as the guideline.
I have always been compared with.
and i have always known that.
Till today,
people are still comparing themselves with me.
Y take all the trouble to compare?
Y not,
love who u r,
accept who u r?
to be frank,
im really lucky to have such many good things,
yet,
im still not perfect,
and no one will ever be.
So if comparing makes u have the urge to improve,
it's a good thing,
but if it's giving too much pressure,
and it has negative impacts,
comparing juz harms.
Think of it,
i am tired being compared with.
I aint that good as u all think.
I have my flaws.
and i think the world is fair.
even with wat i got now,
being so perfect,
wat i would lose eventually,
could be health and longevity.
Coz the world is fair,
and yep,
tat's the possible things that i could lose.
And aint that the saddest thing?
coz life's juz amazing,
and i really hope to live a little longer,
and longer to really learn how to love everything on this universe.

Today,
i realise,
the universal language is not english,
is expression.
Be it a smile,
be it cry,
be it anger,
be it any feelings,
it's the facial expression,
that shows all.
and i love seeing the world smile,
seeing people smiling at each other,
i dunno why,
i juz love smiles.
Tat's wat i realise from evelyn.
im practically,
loving smiles coz of her,
coz she made me realise,
how much important it is,
to smile,
to make the world smile,
and to make those around us feel happy.
Guess we have to really smile more,
and make the world a better place =D

Was juz talking bout Truthfulness with Seong Jin.
Guess,
i believe the most important attitude is truthful.
i dunno y,
but i have always trying to inculcate truthfulness.
I always believe,
life is juz more than us ourselves,
so y being selfish?
The world aint juz make up by ME alone,
rite?
and we have to really rely on others for living,
and i believe truthfulness,
is the key.
Being truthful,
it helps open up others,
if u are true,
if others feel u r true,
then,
they will feel comfortable with u.
but the problem in this world is,
people have been using this
to harm others.
Yep,
all for wat?
their own interest.
Y have we been all so selfish?
Y is our world juz ME?
Y isnt it US?
Sometimes,
u will be let down,
coz that's the natural defense people build up against truthfulness.
Coz there are so many fakers outside trying to invade us.
Yet,
if we are true,
we will try,
even harder if we fail.
and eventually,
i believe it will pay out.
as i've tried since sec1,
to approach TC,
after 7 years,
yep,
i managed to speak to him,
heart to heart.
It's bout consistency,
it's bout perseverance,
it's bout selflessness,
it's bout truthfulness,
it's bout love.

People will tell me that things will be hard to achieve,
im being to idealistic.
Yea i believe so,
but come on,
if everyone disband the thoughts immediately when they think it's too idealistic,
will this world ever change?
i always believe,
if we want things to change,
we should start it ourselves,
and be the example.
I reached out to those i love,
coz i want my loved ones reaching out to those they love.
Eventually,
this will end up being a network,
that we care for each other,
isnt it?
and wat we dislike happening on us,
we shd also stop doing them on people,
tat's juz the way the world goes.
If i could help a person,
and that person help another person,
and this will eventually make up a network of love,
and i believe,
this will eventually change the world,
even by a little bit.
all we have to do is juz,
have this love and care within us..

Have been thinking bout life a lot recently.
Have i been doing enuff for everything?
Have i really love my life?
Have i really love what im doing?
Have i really love what's happening around?
Have i really think thru life?
Have i really no regrets being this way?
Have i.....
there are so much for me to think of.
Yet,
i still conclude that,
i really do love my life,
for wat im doing,
for all the troubles i have,
for all the coincidence,
for all the smiles i met,
for all the touch of heart,
and for all whom i love.

Dear mum,
i do love u,
it's hard to express this worry for u,
and it's so hard to get to u.
i noe it's hard to change at this age,
but pls do believe in ur kids k?
Please dun worry so much,
coz u will grow old even faster,
and we will be worrying bout u more than any problems.
and sometimes,
learn to let go mum.
these are juz things tat will make us regret,
so learn to let go,
tat's the most important thing.
I love you mummy.