Millions of Apologies, yet far from saving anything...

it aches.
badly.
to see all this.
i resorted in this,
just coz i dun want things to turn out bad,
and i want to let you noe bout all this.
sorry.
To you and only you who still visits this blog


to respond to this,
i noe it is too late to apologize,
still,
this guilt will be with me for as long as you will noe.
sorry.

even if things turns bitter.
even if it works out.
even if it doesnt work out.
even if hatred breeds.
even if vengeance rules.
even if jealousy emerges.
i'm sorry.
i still love you.

i will clench u tightly to me.
never will i allow us to drift.
even if this kind of tight schedule,
we will make effort,
to keep this.
i am sorry.

mr nice guy not.

I dont really want to quarrel with u,
but sometimes it seems to be overboard.
If u sees this,
dun get angry,
coz i realy dun feel like talking this over n over again to u.

Just feel that you should sometimes contain ur anger.
You are stressed,
so am i.
and if u still dun like ESP
then change course.
if u dun like ur presidential place
then drop it.
if this kind of stress u cant handle,
i wonder what is life out there.

and im quite sick when we quarrel,
just because u are angry.
we quarrel unnecessarily.
i am affected.
and im very sick of being affected
and trying to talk to u,
and ended up making myself,
one of the reasons that you are angry as well.

Sometimes,
when u r stressed,
think bout how you will affect those around you.
those who care and those who love u.
sometimes,
it seems to me,
even if i talk,
or i keep quiet,
i am at fault.
im very tired of you being a timebomb.
i dun mind u rant.
as i always say.
but dun get ur mood messed up
and get us both angry as well.
that's the basic.
and when i space out,
im trying to contain my anger.
so dun provoke me.

i have been the MR NICE GUY
and
seriously,
i wonder why do i even need to try to be one.
sometimes i think im so naive,
that i still live with this kind of mindset.
when trying to be good is just another advantage for others.
im sick of myself as well.
yea,
the reflection has made me thought thru my choice of maintaining as mr nice guy.
but i think i fail to be one
and never will be one,
coz after all,
i am just human,
too affected by emotions.
and get overly stressed over things that i should not even in the first place,
get affected.

Over-reliance

I think it is so cool to see things change.

At this era,
i experience changes drastically.
from a kid,
till now
so much things has changed.
how we used to laugh at banana skin
and now seems a joke if you laugh at such things.

With the advancement of technology,
we have been improving at a rapid rate.
yet,
the negative impacts comes as quick.
"The Equivalent Trade"
i believe.

It is funny how we remember birthdays now
we are over-relying on the Facebook to remind us.
We take it for granted that facebook will eventually remind us,
so we do not need to remember.
things have changed.
it doesnt even matter anymore.
how many birthdays can we still remember?

and we are wishing for the sake of just wishing.
since when we remember a fren's birthday,
and prepares a birthday card,
together with a birthday present,
and with all the full-hearted wishes?
no more in this era.
Rare i shall say.

What will happen in 20 years down the road?
Over-reliance
will only make us take things for granted.

believe?

My heart asks me to believe,
my mind asks me to stay with reality.
Choose?
and im sick of being good.

I know it can't.

Can't there just be sweet moments?
Can't there be eternity?
Can't there be no death?
Can't there be no choices?
Can't there be equality?
Can't there be just good?

Guess i am sick of myself as well.

miss

i am missing a lot of my frens
a lot of those moments
a lot of my fond memories
grandaunt
family
home.

Talk bout Naivity

I aint that matured that i thought after all.
Naive as i am.